Editor's Notes

Transcript

Thanks for coming in today. I know it was short notice, but it's kind of important, so we need to talk about this. Yeah, your manuscript came in last week.

I've had a chance to review it. We have a couple of things to deal with. No.

No, actually, that was cleared up nicely after the last time we talked. So no, the big plot hole is not the issue. The issue, just to get right to it, is the erotic parts.

When you pitched this, you were very adamant that these pieces needed to be part of the story, and we got approval for it. Now my higher-ups are expecting just that. A sexy, erotic, almost over-the-top story from the way your pitch was.

Unfortunately, what I have here is none of those things. The problem is that you seem to be telling the reader what's happening, not showing them. So the narrator is coming across as a casual observer in his own life instead of someone who's actively engaged in these amazing experiences, which it's kind of a coming-of-age, figuring out who he is.

You know, all of the thematic elements point to him exploring who he is, figuring out what he's all about. And when you pitched it, you pitched that his sexual exploration was just as important as everything else he goes through. So we need to experience that with him.

I don't want to hear that he got off with some chick by touching her. I want to see it. I want to be part of it.

I want to be in the experience. You know what I mean? Because if I'm not, then what am I doing? Why am I wasting my time reading this thing? Does that make sense? Okay, good.

So we need to come up with a solution here. Okay, I'm willing to talk about that. What is your hesitation about writing this? What do you feel you're not able to do? Is it the subject matter? Okay.

Yeah, I get that stuff isn't easy to write. It absolutely isn't. It's also very satisfying when it's written well.

And I'm not just talking about hormonal satisfying. I mean, for the character. If the character is going through something really intense like that, and we get to experience it with him, then as a reader, that's a payoff.

You know what I mean? So we have two choices here. We can either figure out how to write it, and I can help you with that.

Or we can take those pieces out, and you repitch the entire story with a different spin on it. Because I don't think we're gonna be able to get this through without what you promised us. All right.

Okay, back to basics here. You've had sex, right? Okay, good.

So sit back for a minute. Take a deep breath. Really think about what it feels to experience what your character is going through in your manuscript, okay?

How does it feel to touch someone like that? To be touched? To be kissed? To go into those levels of intimacy and ecstasy and intensity that are so crucial to what's happening for your character?

How does that feel? Okay, all right. Well, it may have been a while since you've experienced it, but you've experienced it, right? Yeah? You don't remember? Really? Really? Okay.

Well, we have to do this because my ass is on the line too, so I have an idea. Yeah, hold up. I'm just gonna sit on the desk in front of you, okay? Now, here's your manuscript.

Okay, so I've marked the pages that we seem to be struggling with. Okay. I didn't have a chance to bind this, so it's a little messy, but okay.

So in this first scene that we have to work on, your character's inexperienced, right? The narrator is having his mind just expanded because he's never done anything like this before. Take your cock out.

Yeah, that's what I said. Okay. I'm gonna take my pants down too, because this is a mutual masturbation scene, right? They they touch each other for the first time.

They kind of get to explore. So I'm just gonna take your cock in my hands. Mm-hmm.

The heat from my hand is making you hard, which is good. Mm-hmm. Tell me what it feels like.

Put yourself in your character's position and tell me what it would feel like if this was the first time a hand was wrapped around your cock. Okay. Soft, smooth, warm.

Good. What's it doing to the rest of you, though? Don't just focus on your cock.

There's got to be something else going through you that's not just physical. Excited? Okay.

Nervous? Makes sense. I mean, it's a nerve-wracking thing to take these steps for the first time.

So yeah, that's great. Channel that. Feel that.

How would you describe that to me as the reader? See? Already better, and you're almost fully hard.

Give me your hand. Mm-hmm. Well, it's mutual masturbation, so he touches her, so give me your hand.

Here. Mm-hmm. Slide it over my pussy.

Good. Now close your eyes and feel my pussy on your hand. Mm-hmm.

Nice little slide of your finger up over my clit. Tell me what it feels like. Mm-hmm.

Okay, that's a little cliche. The apple pie thing's been done, so try again. Mm.

Good. Good. A warm blanket after a cold day.

Mm-hmm. Needs a little work, but yeah, that's the idea. Now think about the person standing in front of you.

The change in her breathing. The little noises. What does that do to you? Mm-hmm.

From the way your character talks about it in the manuscript, it's mind-blowing that he's touching this person, this woman that he's basically obsessed with, and that she's letting him put his fingers on her. How does that feel? Mm-hmm.

I'm just taking your hand and starting to move it. There you go. And I'll stroke your cock at the same time.

Okay, there you go. We're doing what the characters are doing. Tell me.

Tell me what's happening. Your fingers are soaked, yes. I am very wet.

You are getting that way as well. You're leaking. Pre-cum.

Now you're able to be graphic. We have approved that. That's kind of what we were expecting, so words like pre-cum and cock and pussy are good.

Mm-hmm. My noises are making you twitch. Good.

Now slide your hand forward a little and curl your finger up into me. Yeah, just lightly move it in and out. Feel me squeeze you.

The character makes a reference to putting his finger in her for the first time. What does it feel like? What's going through you? What's happening? I like that you're choosing to focus on her reactions, but you need to explain what the character's feeling as well.

It's got to be absolutely bonkers for him. I'm not the writer here. It's got to be bonkers for him that he has his finger inside this woman.

That what he's doing to her is making her excited. What's it feel like when I clench around your finger? Well, you're going to have to do a little bit better than tight, but yeah.

I'm going to stroke you faster because she gets a little excited, remember? And he says she squeezes and I think he used the word tugs on him. We're going to have to look at that word choice, but she basically jerks him off.

And it's tight and sort of fast. You've got to remember her dialogue too. You've got to remember the things that she was saying in the moment.

Okay, are you good with this? You think you can, you can write it? Because they get interrupted, they don't actually get to orgasm, right? So, okay, stop, stop, stop.

All right. Next part. Here, yeah.

Okay, so the next part is pussy eating. Yeah, oral. Have you done that? Not in a long time.

Okay. Oh, all right. Well, that would color your experience a little if your previous partner didn't like it.

Well, you're in luck because I do. So I'm going to just get up on the edge of the desk here and spread my legs, get on your knees. Yes, I'm serious.

She's fairly forceful in this scene when she tells him to, I believe it was get his face in her pussy. So go ahead. Yep.

Tell me what it feels like on your tongue. The texture of my clit, the slippery wetness. Stick your tongue in my hole.

Yeah, push it deep, push it deep and tell me what it feels like. Well, it's warm, and it's textured as well, and it's slippery, and it has pliability but it's still enough to push on all the good things just inside. Concentrate on taste, smell.

Really fucking good. Well, that's great, but that's not quite what we're looking for. Don't forget to look up at your partner, watch her face, watch her reactions.

Hold her hips, keep her still so that you can really work your tongue. Yeah, that means grab my hips. Yes, yes, yes.

Now, I believe he fingers are too, right? Okay, you know what to do. Get that finger inside me.

You have a beautiful, warm, wet pussy wide open in front of you. My juices are on your face. You can taste me.

And now your finger is going deep inside me. What are you feeling? What are you thinking? Okay, that you want to do it right, good.

You want to make me come? Okay. Yeah, that's what I'm talking about.

Yes, the way you just described how I look when you're looking up at me, the thrill of being able to do this to me, that's what you need to hold on to. Keep moving, keep going. No, because she comes on his face, right? So I'm going to give you that experience too.

Yes, yes, harder, harder and faster with the finger. Oh, really suck that clit, suck it. Yes, yes.

You can even have her instruct him. I think she was trying to, but it kind of fell flat. So move your tongue a little faster, more side to side than up and down.

And circles, circles are good, circles are good. Yes, yes. Oh, curl your finger inside me.

Yes, you feel that rough little patch at the front there? Push on it, rub it. Yes.

Well, you fuck me with your finger. Yes, yes, yes. Oh shit, shit.

I'm going to come, I'm going to come. Keep going. Focus on the importance of maintaining consistency so that you don't screw up the orgasm.

Exactly. Yes, yes. No, don't stop, don't stop, don't stop.

Feel me squeeze you as I come. Feel the flood of wet down under your hand. Yes, yes, yes.

Oh, fuck, feel it pulse. Feel me shaking. Oh, look at my face.

A man should absolutely love his woman's orgasm face. So focus on it. Yes.

Holy shit. Okay, good. You think you can write that now? Mm-hmm.

Okay, stop. All right, get in the chair. Yeah, um.

Oh, fuck. The next section. Oh, I'm shaking.

Yeah. Yeah, the next section's the blowjob. Okay, so I'm going to get down here on my knees.

What you have reads like a boring, bland, secondhand account. Like you heard from a friend of a friend what it felt like. It's not even sexy.

You literally have a character with a cock in her mouth. You have a guy getting a blowjob, having his cock sucked by the woman he loves, and he seems bored. So tell me if you're bored when I do this, okay? I want you to describe it.

Yeah, not just the blowjob, though. What does it feel like to have me on my knees in front of you? My tongue.