Date Night Disaster

Transcript

Hey, you're home. And this looks pretty bad, doesn't it? I suppose it could be worse? Well, I mean, it was worse.

A couple of minutes ago, the smoke detectors were going off. Surprise! This is a disaster, isn't it? You know, you try to do one nice thing.

All right, I can explain all the smoke. I may have tried to do something really sweet, a date night for the two of us, and it was going to be a surprise for you. And I guess you are surprised.

So that part, at least, I think I got right. Um, yeah, so I didn't tell you the truth about when I was getting off work today. I made up that meeting and added it to the calendar to make you think I was going to be at work later so that you would not be expecting me here and it would be a surprise when you came in the door.

It seemed romantic in my head, okay? But yeah, so I've had just. ..

This has been a fail. It's been a real fail. Yes, I did say I could explain the smoke, didn't I? Um, well, it's two kinds of smoke.

So multitasking, I guess, is what's going on. All right, well, the first thing I did was I tried to build a fire in the fireplace. And we were all out of the fire starters, and so I tried to use some of the junk mail as kindling.

Funny you should mention that enameled paper will make a lot of smoke and not light. So I may have done that and smoked out the living room. And, um, yeah, so that's part of the haze in the living room that you're seeing.

No, the other smoke is from the kitchen. The other smoke is from the kitchen. So, you know, I.

.. It was. ..

It was. .. I'm sure this is the kind of thing that we're going to look back at 20 years from now and it's going to be funny, but it's sure not funny now.

I got. .. I wanted to make paella for you.

And I got a brand new paella pan and I cleaned it off and I put it on the stove on the right heat and I put some olive oil in it. And then I walked away to try to start the fire in the fireplace while the oil heated up on the stove. I mean, take a few minutes, right? And I came back in to find that the oil, the enamel on the pan had also just smoked, the oil had burned up and no actual fire, just a lot of smoke, but the smoke detectors were going off.

And, and then, you know, I had thought that the stuff in the, in the living room had caught and I go in there to find that it's all smoked out and it's, it's just been a disaster. And frankly, I was really hoping that I would have this all cleaned up and aired out before you got home. But I don't know that I could have gotten rid of the smoky smell before then.

So, yeah, that explains why the door and the window were closed. That explains why the door and the windows are open. And the fans are on and it's full of smoke and it smells like it.

And yes, I will put the smoke detectors back up. I had to take them down, baby. I couldn't get them to stop.

And these ones are hardwired. So even just taking the battery out didn't make it stop. I had to actually take the thing down and unplug it.

Yeah, it's the upstairs one too. And they were just so loud and it was just not adding to my sanity as I tried. Well, no, I haven't just been sitting here since then.

That, that was more like a half an hour ago that all that went down. And so I thought maybe I could still salvage it. And so I thought maybe I could still salvage it.

I didn't expect you for another hour. Yeah, I know. I should check my texts.

Sorry. Anyway, I, I had bought some candles and I, you know, as I was waiting for the smoke to dissipate from the living room, I tried to get the candles going because at least maybe that way it would be nice and romantic and stuff. And there are these like new soy wicks and I couldn't get them to light and stay lit.

And just, it's just frustrating. It's really, really frustrating. And then to top it all off, you know, that restaurant, the one that we went to last week that you really, really like, I tried to order something on Uber Eats from them.

And they had the order, they, they accepted it and it sat in their queue. And 20 minutes later, just right before you walked in the door, they canceled it on their end. The food was supposed to be arriving in the next 10 minutes.

So I don't know. I think maybe tonight is cursed. And I should just stop trying.

So I would go sit in the bathtub and feel sorry for myself. But with the luck I've had tonight, I would probably dissolve and go down the drain. So yeah, surprise.

I tried. I really did. I'm, I'm sorry.

I'm really, really sorry, baby. I do feel bad, though. This wasn't supposed to be this kind of a disaster.

This was supposed to be a really sweet gesture of love and devotion and a night to remember. And I guess it is a night to remember, but definitely not for the reasons I would have liked. Definitely not for the reasons I would have liked.

Welcome home. Thank you for being a good sport about it. It is a letdown, baby.

And it's okay to say that. It's okay to say it. Yeah, I know.

I know that it's the thought that counts, but I still would have liked there to be some execution. And I'm just not sure what to do to get the night back on track. What do you mean the night hasn't derailed? Well, okay, fair point.

We're not upset at each other. We haven't been arguing.