Cin City Life Episode 17

Transcript

Hello okay so today I wanted to talk about my identity as a person my nationality and stuff I actually recorded this like four or five times already but every time I was recording it I was recording it on my phone with a lavalier microphone and somehow I kept I don't know how but I kept losing the recording or it kept getting interrupted or like I would speak for 10 minutes but record wasn't even pressed and I just got really pissed off what it is you may or may not know but I was born in Hungary spent a lot of time in Italy as a kid and then I spent all of my well up until now all of my adult life in England so when I moved back to Hungary recently I felt really odd because I'm obviously not British like in England I was very obviously an outsider especially after Brexit because I didn't really feel welcome then I come back here and I tried to speak to my old Hungarian friends and don't get me wrong we still have a good relationship but when it comes to discussing pop culture and stuff I just struggle I don't understand what they're talking about and even certain phrases like don't pop into my head like I had sex with a guy like I had a friend benefits like when I was in my late teens and we had sex like a year ago here in Hungary that's the first time I had sex with someone for so long and he asked me did you come but in Hungarian and I'm like what what is he asking me I didn't understand because I had no idea how to say that in Hungarian so ridiculous I'm just speaking about sex in Hungarian it feels so fucking weird to me okay I think it's wrong to say that you don't feel like you fit in in your own country anymore but I don't I look around I look at friends of my friends and I just don't see that we have anything in common I I try to find common ground with them and I can't to listen to music that I've never had and I tried listening to and I think frankly it's shit like music in Hungary at the moment is absolutely shit I really do not like it the stuff my sister is listening to yeah probably Hungarian rap is having a revival and it's not good they're trying to like one of my friends is stylist and she's sometimes she's trying to talk to me about Hungarian influencers and I'm like I've never heard of a single one of these people and she showed me a few and I thought they look so incredibly unrelatable to me I guess if they live in a completely different culture to what I imagine my life to be that sounds wrong but I even had someone asking me someone who I've never met I was speaking to them in Hungarian and they asked me oh you lived in England I'm like what what makes you think that oh because the way you speak you don't sound natural you don't sound and I was speaking Hungarian I didn't sound natural anymore I find it hard to say the words it's getting better now because it's been a while but I just found it really difficult to say certain things and I think that's why I tend to especially lately I tend to hang out with more foreign people one of my best friends is um he's from Thailand but he's he's got a Hungarian wife and he's lived here for the past couple of years but he's also lived in England with her so in that way we can relate to each other and sometimes he invites me to these expat meetups expat events and they're pretty nice and I found that those people are really welcoming because they're also sort of outsiders not that I'm really an outsider because I'm not but somehow I feel like it and at first I was hesitant to go because I'm like I don't belong here I'm Hungarian but I was surprised that I actually saw several Hungarian people in this group group because they also felt like me they also they also lived in a foreign country returned and they just missed the international environment missed being able to talk to people who have actually loved this country and maybe they are not from here maybe they're a little bit more well-traveled don't get me wrong I am not well-traveled I don't think I am I find it funny when people put the flags the country of the countries they've been to on their dating profiles and it's like as if that makes them more interesting and jokingly I was speaking to my friends about it and jokingly we collected our flags as well I have 12 flags which is looks like surprisingly a large amount but it's actually not it doesn't feel like a large amount because some of these were like a weekend getaway but to be honest all these people on dating apps they don't have that much more they just I don't know it's as if visiting a country is part of their identity I don't know it feels weird it feels weird because my dad jokes sometimes he doesn't mean it but he calls me British doesn't feel right because I'm not British I know I'm not British and I don't want to be I don't want to be British I had the chance to have a British passport and I turned it down because I didn't want it because I don't particularly I like England anymore that much not that I like Hungary that much but hey I already had this passport so yeah my identity I've been meeting some people lately who are in the same shoes and they understand it a little bit more and they're reminding me how important it is to stay loyal to your roots well I'm trying I'm really trying sometimes I look at my national traditions and stuff and I think I don't really care about any of this and it's wrong but I'm trying I mean after all I probably can't deny that I'm Hungarian even though I dropped my Hungarian accent completely but here I am I lost little lamb.