❤️ 📱 Call Me Baby 📱 ❤️ (F4M) (Friends to Lovers) (Late Night Phone Call) (Accidental Confession) (Wait! You’re Coming Over?)

Transcript

I just watched The Addams Family and now I'm unbelievably horny. It's over 9000, it's unstoppable, it's giving, she wasn't held enough between podiatry appointments. My heart and my soul are so, so horny.

My heart is gagging because I want to be loved the way that Gomez loves Morticia. I would honestly give a kidney, and I know that sounds extreme, but is it really? I mean, really? Honestly? Like, I know I have a spare kidney, I don't know that I'll find love.

The potential benefits seem to outweigh the potential risks. And yes, I may be on my period, but if anything that just escalates the feelings. This is what I feel low-level every day.

It's just the right amount of progesterone and estrogen have brought it to the foreground. And I know you've told me, do not watch The Addams Family while you're menstruating. But did I listen? Did I sh-? I know, but it's just so good.

So beautiful and so good, he loves her so much, and she loves him so much, and it's like, fuck me. I just want to be spooky with someone. I just want to be in love so bad.

And I know I'm not supposed to say that, but the gag is gagging. And the nag is nagging, and the desire is raging, and I just want to be cute and wholesome and degenerate, and it's sending me to the edge of sanity. And if I can't tell you that, who the hell can I tell? Exactly.

I need you to understand just how thirsty I am. I don't need respect, I just need honesty and someone who can listen to all my neeny-nonsense. Do you accept the challenge? Thank you, I really appreciate you.

So, in conclusion, I should never watch The Addams Family alone and horny ever again. For my own sanity, and probably also yours, so. ..

Oh, my guy. Another night in the life of a whiny little bitch. It's sad, but true.

And now I've dragged you into my gaping pit of self-pity again. I'm sorry. I'm really sorry, but this is what authentic friendships look like.

Oh. .. Please tell me you feel like this sometimes.

Yeah? That makes me feel better. Not that you feel sad and alone, just, you know, I'm not the only one feeling sad and alone.

Oh, I just. .. I wanna be better, bolder, less chicken shit.

I do, I really, really do. It's just that I am a little baby chicken shit. And dating sucks, and I'm a mess, and hormonal, and I can never keep my apartment clean.

I just wanna be not so lonely and in someone's arms. You know? Do I sound like a neckbeard? Maybe just a little? You sure? Please just tell me I don't wanna be a lonely asshole.

The loneliness is inevitable, I just don't wanna be gross and entitled about it. Okay, that's good. Why am I so annoying when I'm spreading it to you by calling you and being like, Hey, remember me? I'm annoying.

Thank you for tolerating me. So, how goes your night? Yeah? You're not sitting in a pit of isolation and self-loathing? Then I salute you.

Also, can I just ask you this question, cause I really need to ask you this question. What's wrong with me? As in, why am I such a chicken shit little baby piss fucking ducking rotisserie chicken shit little bitch?

Because they need to know why I am like this. I mean, my dad's nice, my mom's nice, why? Apart from the very minimal biphobia, those people did not damage me.

So what's the problem? Cause everybody else seems to have narcissists and abusers, and I have really fundamentally kind people. And I'm still a piss baby, so what happened? Well, seeing as how you've known me forever and you're brutally honest, just be you.

Mm-hmm. Just let her rip. Because what's the point in lying? I.

.. Pussyfoot. Well, never before have I been so insulted by something I 100% agree with.

Damn you and your completely valid assessment of my human feelings. So what you're saying is. ..

I should not? Pussyfoot? Okay, but how exactly does one not do that? Be brave and honest? So I have a personality transplant? I know I wanted the truth, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay.

Honestly, I think I know what my problem is. And I think you know I know what my problem is, and I think I'm just hoping that you'll redirect me and I won't have to confront the proverbial elephant in the room, but. ..

You're not gonna do that because you're decent and honest and stuff. The problem is, I am very dependent on you, and the reason that I'm very dependent on you is because I like you. Far too much.

Which is why I ring you. Pumped full of hormones. Horny.

Desperate. Gross. And I'm just hoping that it can fly under the radar of, No, she's just a inappropriately close friend.

But as you're astute and I'm. .. Learning to be brave? We both know that's not true.

We know. .. I like you a lot because I like you.

As in, I've liked you for a very long time and I've just hoped that it would go away. And it hasn't. So.

.. Ergo, why I call you. ..

Post-AdamsFamily. If you want to pretend we never had this conversation, that's totally fine with me. Say the word.

What? What do you mean you're coming over? Uh.

.. Okay, uh. ..

You don't have to, I'm not suicidal, just. .. Deeply embarrassed.

Uh. .. Okay, uh.

.. See you soon? Fuuu.

.. Gah. ..

Hey. I'd say pardon the mess, but you know the drill. So.

.. What's with the emergency house call? Look, I don't want you to feel obligated to be like, Oh, let's just give it a try, let's see, because nobody wants that, okay?

Least of all me. I totally recognize that I put you on the spot, I should have just. ..

Been upfront about this years ago, so. .. Really, really sorry, and just don't.

.. Don't do the pity route. Or I could shut up and let you talk, yeah? That's the point.

Sitting down? Holy shit, you don't have cancer, do you? Well, you told me to sit down.

Okay, okay. Uh. ..

Say what? You like me. How long have you liked me? As long as I have.

Okay, next question. Why didn't you say anything? Yeah, well, I'm chicken shit, what's your excuse? Well.

.. How about that, huh? We're both little piss babies.

Cool. You like me? You like me.

As in. .. You want to hold my hand and occasionally.

.. Put something inside me, like me? Huh.

What do we do now? Uh. ..

No, you can't hold my hand. Because I'm not a whore.