Darlene? Could you come here, please. I'm scared.
I'm scared. Could you please just come here? No, it's not a spider.
Um. .. My tampon's stuck.
Yeah. And I've really tried to get it out and I can't. It doesn't feel okay.
I think the string broke and I don't know what to do. I'm really embarrassed that I have to tell you, but I can't stay in the bathroom all night. And also, I don't want to get toxic shock syndrome, so I need to find a way to get it out and.
.. Some girls go to the hospital, but I don't want to do that. I don't want a stranger, like, looking at me.
Yeah, I kind of want your help. I don't want you to think I'm disgusting. I know, it's not disgusting.
It's just what happens. I've had it in for a few hours, so it's gonna have lots of blood in it. I promise you don't mind.
Okay. I think if I lay on the floor and then just open my legs as wide as I can. I'm sorry, I need your help.
I know I'm just being silly, but I just feel so stupid. I know. Okay.
Three, two, one. It's okay. Thank you.
Oh, thank you, thank you, thank you. Are you gonna out and, like, five seconds? Oh, thank you.
Oh, that has never happened to me before. This is why I prefer pets, they never get stuck. I don't want to tell them.
Thank you so much. I don't know. Craig, cause I'm happy and I'm sad and embarrassed.
Really happy that I'm not gonna die from toxic shock syndrome. Oh, thank you. I was just in the bathroom and I was like, oh my God, how am I gonna do this? What am I gonna say? I know.
I know you're not one of those assholes that's like, oh, don't tell me about your period. It's like, well, you can be interested in my vagina, but not the mechanics that enable me to have a vagina. Okay, great.
Oh no. You're so lovely. I don't know why I was worried.
I was just like, oh God. Asking a boyfriend to take a tampon out. Marvelous.
We did. We did survive and we're okay. So that is something.
Ridiculous things that make me enraged and then tearful and then wanting to eat everything in the world. You suck, but you are necessary. Oh, I really love how you're not an asshole.
I really, really do. Understandable. You go wash your hands.
Oh, I need to lay down. That was something. At least we can cross it off our bucket list now.
Yeah. Yanked out a bloody tampon. Check.
And he brings more gifts. Is that my heated blanket? Thank you.
I was about to say, I don't deserve you, but actually I think every kind woman deserves a variation of you. I actually value as a woman for herself and not her body parts and then isn't grossed out like a 14 year old boy about said body parts doing what those body parts were designed to do. I can go from teary to annoyed very quickly.
I have the range. I'm serious though. I've had so many friends.
They're like, I'm terrified to bleed in front of my boyfriend cause he freaks out. And I'm like, then he's not a nice boyfriend. And they're like, Oh no, he just gets freaked out about blood.
It's like, yeah, but even if he got freaked out, if you had a genuine phobia of blood, you wouldn't get annoyed with the person. You'd be like, Oh, I'm really sorry. Like this is my own thing.