Boyfriend - Lets it out - PART 2

Transcript

Now I get that and I appreciate that sweetheart I really really do and you're sure you want me to do that right now? You want me to just say things that I want to just rant basically from the innards of my soul? Yeah okay no I appreciate the sentiment like I really do I get what you mean it is a type of therapy I guess?

No I understand that the things that I really think about they're just well if I can start right now the thing is I just don't think it's worth it you know I can say things that bother me and say things that make me unhappy or whatever but they're never truly it never is repaired you know what I mean like it doesn't make a difference in the moment it might make me feel good for a second but it's not gonna change the problem of things that I dislike for example and this is very broad or it's very high level right but like just because I think that everyone should if you if you work full-time at any job it doesn't matter if you if you flip burgers you should make enough to live it's like bare minimum live you should be able to pay your rent pay your car buy groceries pay insurance or whatever it is like you should be able to be okay not struggling so that's something right that bothers me a lot but just because I say it right now doesn't mean it's not gonna make it any better you know what I mean like I could rant about it I could say it in a loud tone I could yell it out right I could do whatever and it's not gonna change it that's an example so I think there are a lot of things that just if I rant about them they won't do anything and the rant is just for a moment for a very little moment it makes you feel better but it doesn't change anything whatsoever you know there are things that make me very very upset very mad when I think about them that's why we all have these tendencies to find something to escape you know for a lot of people it's gaming other people it's watching TV shows for other people it's a sport for others it's a hobby something that's like knitting or whatever it is just something something that'll get your mind off of really looking at reality what's going on around things that aren't gonna change better said we face these realities every day so we need these other things to distract us for a while to make it okay for a little bit you know because it is the reality and we live in that reality right so these little escapes they they have to exist so the art is so important why entertainment is so important yet it's also tainted sometimes isn't it it is it is because it reminds us a lot of forms of entertainment or they indoctrinate us they tell us things that we already know to be true but they try to paint it in a good light you know I'm getting to I'm just going off on a rant see no I know you want that baby and I really appreciate you you telling me this right now and giving me this opportunity right because of what I had you do earlier but the other day but it's just for me it's a I don't know I feel like it doesn't do anything and that makes it even worse it does make it worse cuz I feel like it generally doesn't help I hope it did help you I really do hope and I feel like it kind of did but for me just reminds me of the things that I'm upset about that I can't change yeah I carry that you know that that is a really good question honestly it's a very very good question I don't know why shit fuck I never thought of it that way why did why do I care about it so much right yeah well you just asked it's I never thought about that like it shouldn't technically it shouldn't bother me like if I can't control it then it shouldn't bother me whatsoever because it is uncontrollable I can't control that like these things that I'm saying right I can't control the wage I can't control like I can't do that but it just bothers me so much that it makes me mad and upset and angry and sad it controls me because I can't control it but on such a powerful level on such a big level I don't know this probably has to do with trauma definitely has to know we've already noticed that is the fact that and this is undeniable we're all all our personalities are just the product there come to the complete product who we grew up to be is the complete product of our trauma and what we've lived through like it's inevitable that's why there's so much science behind it and it's true we start to learn ourselves we just we learn why we are the way we are and that's it and then trying to cope with it right like oh that's a trauma response or whatever yeah so what so I have to live with it right like oh you can heal it mmm you can heal it to some extent or you can cope with it right you can try to cope with it little by little but you can't heal it all the way it's already ingrained in you it happened it made you the way you are you have to find ways to cope with that and try to make it better little by little but it'll always be there even if it's like 2% of it and that 2% has a lot of control doesn't it that was huge sweetheart I appreciate you you know saying that I didn't see it that way a little piece well you know what I can't fucking believe this but it actually kind of did help just to at least understand in a little sense there's a lot more to dig into but that was crazy none of that matters because you know what I just love you I love you so much and I'm grateful for you helping me and telling me to do this also so we can do is every once in a while we can just do this for each other I think it's great I love you sweetheart thank you thank you so much.