Boyfriend - Insecurities

Transcript

Hey, baby. No, I'm just, I'm just thinking, that's all. Ah, nothing, nothing.

It's just, just random stupid stuff, you know? No, baby, I don't, I don't want to talk about it. I, I just don't.

Well, you have, fine, fine. I think, I think, I've been thinking about it for a while now, so I'm. ..

If anybody should hear this stuff, it should be you. So just sit down. Come here.

Yeah. Okay, so look. The things I'm going to tell you right now, they might sound stupid, they might sound dumb, or they might be unimportant, but they do have a control over my life, I guess.

And they are insecurities. Now, I'm not sure where they particularly come from. Some of them I do know, but most of them I don't understand why I have them.

And I want to share them with you. I don't want to share them with you, but I think it's important that I do. It's important that I stop not sharing them with you.

Because at the end of the day, you're the person I trust the most. And I love you. And if I have these vulnerabilities and these things that cause me stress or at some level of pain, then I think I'm, I'm ready and I trust you enough to share them with you.

So here we go. I'm very, I'm very insecure about your love for me. And it doesn't come out in the form of jealousy or any of that stuff.

It's more of an insecurity for me. For not being good enough for you. That's why I always ask and compare myself to all your friends.

And why I always try to find a way to make myself seem better than them. Try to find a way to make myself seem better than them. Just like with Henry.

He was great at playing a stupid game and I just couldn't let it go. And I had to put excuses as to why he was better. And he was just better, like it doesn't fucking matter.

But that insecurity made it seem like I wasn't good enough. And even though it was a fucking game, it has nothing to do with being with you. It makes me feel like I'm just not good enough for you.

Even though that has nothing to do with it. It makes no fucking sense. And I'm starting to realize these things now and I'm sharing them with you and I'm sorry about that.

Hmm? Oh well. Thank you so much for listening and not getting upset.

I really appreciate that. Another insecurity I do have, this one's really dumb, but it's my ears. And I hate, right now I'm laughing because it has bothered me my entire fucking life.

I hate my fucking ears. I hate them so much. Because it's not the size.

I think the size is fine. It's just I hate how out they are. It makes them seem huge when they're actually perfectly sized.

But I just wish they were more closer to my head. And I'm 100% sure it's some blocked trauma from when I was probably in elementary school and somebody made fun of me once. And it just stuck.

Because that's how we are as people, right? It just runs our lives, even though we don't know why. It's so stupid.

These are just some things, but apart from that, I'm very insecure about how I am as a person. And I always want people to like me, but I always want to be better than them. That's the big one.

I can't believe I just said that. I always want people to love me. And I feel it's because I've never been truly loved until now.

Until you. And I'm not putting this weight on you, I'm just telling you how I feel and what I've been thinking so much about. And I've come to that conclusion because you're the only person that's truly cared for me.

Loved me. And I love you so much for that. But I love you even more for who you are.

Because you're such an important person and a beautiful soul. And I'm so grateful to have you in my life and to be a part of it. Of yours.

So everything I just said, I don't need you to tell me anything right now, but I wanted to get it off my chest and I'm working on it. I just want to work on these things. I want to be better.

That's all. I love you. I love you very much.

And thank you for listening. I love you. Now let's go do something that makes us feel better.

Let's just go watch a movie or something. How's that sound? Alright, let's go.