Better Timing

Transcript

To be honest, I almost didn't come. Well, I wasn't sure if you'd be here or not. How have you been? Good.

Good. That's good to hear. Um.

Yeah. I just got back to town. Last week.

Mm-hmm. Yeah. Uh, new job, new apartment, new everything.

I couldn't really handle living with my parents anymore. Um. So.

Uh. Oh. Oh, okay.

You want to just talk about that? Here? I mean, we're here to support the animals.

We're not here to talk about that. I know. I know we always attended this together.

I know that was kind of our thing. But I mean, that doesn't mean we care any less about the cause. Just because we're not friends anymore, right? Um.

Well. I moved across the country and we haven't spoken in over a year. I'd say that's not friends anymore.

Wouldn't you? I'm pretty sure the last time we spoke I told you I didn't want anything to do with you. Also an indicator that we're not friends anymore.

Can we, can we not do this here? Yeah, I know there's nobody in our immediate vicinity, but it's still awkward. And I don't really want to go there.

Okay, we're going there. Fine. You know what? Oh, okay.

You're going to talk. Fine. Yes, I'm aware.

I'm fully aware that you told me how you feel and I told you to go away. I was there. You say that now.

You say that you would have waited for me to go through all of my stuff. But that wasn't what I wanted or needed at the time. Is this why you came here tonight, hoping that I would be here? You knew I was back in town, didn't you? All right, look.

Since you're not going to let this go. A year ago, my life was a mess. And you know that.

You were there. You watched me go through the divorce from hell. You watched me have to quit my job because I couldn't handle the stress.

You watched me have to sell everything I owned and give up my apartment and move across the country to live with my parents. You watched all that. You were there for that.

You were my best friend through all that. And somewhere in that train wreck, you decided you had feelings beyond friendship for me. I know you said at the time that it was because I'd finally had the good sense to get rid of the, what did you call him, the piece of shit that I was married to.

Yeah. So it was okay to feel that way now. But there was absolutely no way that was going to work.

I couldn't hold it together enough to stay at my job, which, to be honest, was not all that difficult. No, it literally was one of the easiest jobs on the planet, and I couldn't hold it down. Do you know what I did when I got to my parents' house? I stayed in bed for two weeks.

And I cried. Yep. I was an absolute mess.

And you chose that moment to tell me that you loved me. Not the best timing. Okay, newsflash.

Telling someone you love them isn't automatically a pick me up for them. It doesn't automatically make them happy. I know you were hoping that's what it would do.

You wanted to give me hope. Hope for what? That there was something better than the trash fire I had just come out of? You think I don't know that? You think I didn't spend the last three years of my marriage thinking about that? Trying to get the fuck out? Of all people, you should know that that's what I was aiming for, was to get out of that and get into something healthy, eventually, when I was ready.

What I didn't count on was falling apart as I did it. I don't want to talk about my ex. I don't want to talk about what I went through at that time, other than to say it was just piss poor timing on your part.

Okay, let's look at it another way then, since you don't seem to be getting it. You've never been in love, right? Isn't that what you told me? Yeah.

I didn't want your first experience to be my nightmare. It wasn't fair. Is that better? Does that satisfy whatever morbid fascination you have with this? I told you no, I told you I wasn't ready, I told you I didn't want to hear that, and if you felt like that, I couldn't have you around me.

That was pretty cut and dried. I didn't want you holding on to something that could absolutely destroy you if it went the wrong way. Because I was in the middle of being destroyed myself.

There's no way I was going to do that to somebody else. Somebody I cared about, no less. I wasn't in the headspace for anything.

Literally anything. I didn't want your first experience with love to be with somebody who had so much emotional baggage she couldn't even hold a fucking job. Yeah.

I know it seems romantic to be there for somebody and to help them through that shit, but it's not. It's ugly, and it's painful, and you end up being lashed out at for no reason, and you end up being on the receiving end of a lot of ugly crap. There was no way I was going to do that to you.

And I was pissed, because your timing was so terrible. We've been best friends for a long time. A long time.

I didn't want things to end the way they did. But it was the only way that you would get a clean break, and I could go away and heal the way I needed to. What do you mean, am I sure about that? What wouldn't I be sure about? I waited the last year to think about it.

Okay, fair question. Based on what you said to me, it would have gone one of two ways. It would have either been really awkward and uncomfortable every time I saw you, because I knew that's what you were thinking and how you felt, and I couldn't reciprocate at the time.

Or you would be an escape. You would be a way to avoid what I was going through, to focus on something else. And that never lasts.

I could have said it back. I could have jumped into your arms and kissed you and told you that it was amazing and I loved you and all this other stuff. But where I was, mentally and emotionally, there was absolutely no way that was sustainable.

Even if it was true. I walked into that one, didn't I? Was it true? I don't know.

I can't say because I was so messed up. When did this turn into 20 questions? Yeah.

Of course I missed you. I missed my best friend. The person that I talked to about everything, the person that I talked to every single day, that was the first person I thought of when anything happened.

It was just one more thing. Add to the pile. If I'm honest, it's part of the reason I came back.

Yeah. I could have gone anywhere. I could have started fresh somewhere else, completely brand new, where nobody knew me, where none of what I'd been through happened.

But I came here. My parents told me it was a bad idea. I mean, my ex left town shortly after the divorce, so he's not here anymore, thank God.

But I didn't have to come back. But when I thought about where I wanted to be, I couldn't think of anywhere else. And you were part of that.

I missed my best friend. It's not something I ever thought I would admit out loud, but here we are. Maybe the champagne they're serving is a little bit more potent than I'd expected.

Well, that's good to know. I guess. That you missed me too.

Don't. Don't go there. Don't right now, please.

We're talking about things, and I don't want to know that you still feel the same way you used to. I don't want to know that. I didn't need to know that.

I don't have a look on my face. No, I don't. Other than I'm slightly uncomfortable.

If that's what you're saying. You know me too well. Alright, we're laying all our cards on the table.

As much as I didn't want to hear that, I did. Maybe I've romanticized it in my head over the last year. Maybe I've made it bigger than it was.

Maybe I've made you something you're not. I don't know. But now that you've said that, now that you've straight up just told me that you feel the way you did then, The little twirls in my stomach that should have been the response when you told me that last year, they're happening.

Right now. I really don't want to cry here. I'm wearing a little too much makeup for that, so let's, let's let's just let's just let's just let's just I'm wearing a little too much makeup for that, so let's, let's walk that line, okay?

I just don't know what I need right now. I don't know what I want right now. I do know that I want you as part of my life again.

As much as I didn't think I would. And it's, it's tough for me to say that, because I spent a long time convincing myself I didn't want anything to do with you. And here we are.

Just my best friend, huh? Do you think you can do that? You think you can just be that person again? Without all the other stuff? What are you doing? Well, I didn't really think I needed a hug, but I'm glad you're giving me one.

Hehehehe You'll be the guy I can yell at when I need to. That's, that's messed up, but okay. That's better.

The guy that makes me smile when I think of you. You'll be whatever I need. What is this, a rom-com? Some bad, cheesy movie? Yeah.

You can be that guy, huh? Hehe I know. I know I just kissed you.

How about this? How about you be the guy that's more important to me than anybody else? You kinda always were.

Even amidst the bullshit. Hehe You can do that. Hehe This is not what I'd intended tonight.

I, I had this game plan in my mind. If I saw you, I was gonna push you away and be surly and all that, but I don't want to. I'm sorry.

I'm sorry I left. I'm sorry I've been so awful. I'm sorry I didn't tell you that I love you too when you said it.

I know I had my reasons. I'm aware, but that was then and this is now. You forgive me? That was a really good yes.

I like that. I agree. All that matters is that we're here now.

No. No. I don't ever want you to let me go again.