Best Friends Shouldn't Keep Secrets (SFW Version)

Transcript

Well, that was another bust. Seriously, where do these people come from? Do they crawl out from under fucking rocks or something? Let's just decide right now that we're not going to go on any more blind dates, okay? Deal.

Oh, God, that was terrible. I didn't think we were going to get out of there alive. Okay, so recap.

Yeah, I know. I spent a good chunk of the evening breathing through my mouth because your date had some issues in that department. Hygiene wasn't her strong suit, let's just put it that way.

And it's really hard to focus on what somebody's saying when you have to breathe through your mouth around them. So yeah, that one's not a win. Not at all.

I don't blame you for not wanting to see her again. No, no. Good call.

Oh, God, fuck. This is awful. The guy was fine.

I mean, he was perfectly nice. Little bit dull, but nice. Yeah, he treated me fine.

We did have a lot of the same interests, I guess. He didn't have a whole lot of personality, but I mean, that could have been nerves, I suppose. Mm-hmm.

Polite. Complete gentleman. Yeah, I agree.

Uh, that's kind of part of the problem. Okay, I know, I know, I know. I know you don't get it.

I know. Get that confused look off your face, seriously. No, I don't want to be treated like crap.

What? No. He's just, he's great on the surface, and, you know, the kind of guy I should be looking for, but, ugh, no.

Yeah, I get that. There's just other things I'm interested in. Other things I want in a partner, and I wasn't getting that vibe from him.

Sure. He's fine, but, I don't know, there just, there was something missing, okay? What's missing? Ugh, I knew you were going to ask me that.

Well, I was trying to steer the conversation toward things that I wanted to know about without coming out and, like, hitting the guy upside the head with them, and he wasn't getting it. Hinting toward things that are important to me, and dude was oblivious, like, fucking oblivious. Hinting at what? Yeah.

Uh, doesn't matter. Not important, just, if he was somebody that I should be with, or that could potentially be a long-term partner, he would've got it, right? And he didn't.

So, next? Why did you say that? Um, hold on.

That, that's the response to one of the questions that I asked him, that should have been his response, but he was completely fucking clueless. Wait a minute. Hold on.

How do you know what to say to that? Why are you laughing? This isn't funny.

You've kind of got me worried now. Have you been, like, spying on me or something? Because you little fucker, if you have, I'm going to be pissed.

Okay, well, that's not what I thought you were going to say. Oh my god. Okay.

Okay, you are into that too? How the hell have we been friends this long and I had no fucking clue? Yeah, okay, fair.

It's not the kind of thing you necessarily broadcast. But still, I should have picked up on something. Did you know? You had questions but weren't sure.

Okay, until tonight. Yeah, because you knew what I was doing. Whoa! Okay, you're just putting it all out there, aren't you? Yes.

I wanted to see if he was, in any way, maybe dominant. And he's clearly not. But you.

.. Forgive my shock. I mean.

.. Yeah. Oh, wow.

Yeah, I'm flustered. I'm a little bit embarrassed. But not as embarrassed as I should be, I don't think.

Mm-hmm. Well, I guess there's no going back now. No.

Come on. I mean, I think we're just out in the open now. Mm-hmm.

Well, yeah. Can we stop, you know, pussyfooting around this, please? And just.

.. Can we stop, you know, pussyfooting around this, please? And just.

.. Own it? Oh, boy.

Mm-hmm. All that aside, just talking as you and me now, putting that over there for a minute, do you know how much this changes things? Fuck yeah, it does.

I know you're not this slow. You've been one of my closest friends for a long time. And I don't know about you, but I've thought about it being more than that.

But I've always shied away from it because I was afraid that this particular thing might be a deal-breaker. When the whole time, you're just as into it as I am. And now I'm a little bit pissed that I didn't say something earlier.

Or that you didn't, especially if you had, I don't know, inklings or something. Come on, dude. I just.

.. I didn't want to lose my friend. So I kept my mouth shut.

You know how the response can be to that kind of information? Mm-hmm. So much wasted time.

Yeah, I just. .. I kept my mouth shut and went on horrible dates with perfectly polite, boring men instead.

And here we are. And you got stuck with women with questionable hygiene. So I guess.

.. I guess you didn't do too well either. Sorry.

That one really is one for the book, so you got to admit. Mm-hmm. Anyway.

I. .. Yeah.

Okay. So what are we doing about this? Are we doing anything about this? Or are we, I don't know, putting it away as information and moving on with our night? Mm.

Mm. Well, that was a good answer. Mm.