💗 🫂 Autistic Girlfriend Struggles 🫂 💗 (F4A) (Deep Pressure Hugs) (Struggling with Communication) (Please Be Patient with Me)

Transcript

Ah And once again, I asked the question why do I go outside? Hello I'm home and slightly deflated Howdy Oh I'm okay. It's just tail as old as time.

I'm strange in the world. It's work. Oh Why do I go outside I Don't know I don't know I need darkness drugs lobotomy I Don't say sorry.

It's not you. It's not you. It's not you.

You haven't done anything. I'm just So confused by most people Oh, I really need to get a job working from home soon. I Don't even know what I do from home I have no skills I I Know I'm feeling sorry for myself.

I'm sorry. I just feel so much and this jumper is everything, right? Okay, it's all string I don't know if it's my hormones or just my tismar just a combination of both but today I just feel like oh Fuck off everybody and everything Logically, I know nobody's done anything to me.

I just feel so like get back away you demons Not you just Most people Oh And your face is breaking my soul Because it's so wilted and understanding and like tell me sweetheart tell me what's wrong and I'm just like I don't deserve you Now I'm slipping back into self-pity and I hate it I Swear it's worse worse worse. Give me a minute Finding them Hmm Okay So what happened was I went outside It's very very very very foolish Well for one thing it's noisy and dirty and there's people I don't know in it so All righty, it seems like a bad idea but then I go Anyway, and then I wonder why why did I have a bad time? Well, you went outside Yes, please I'd like to talk about it, but I also don't want to dump on you if you have something else you're doing So, please feel free to say I love you, but not right now Mmm, I can't tell with you.

It's really hard because you always just put my needs first How dare you be a loving and supportive partner? You sure positive HIV positive See you laughed you found it funny So I Finished work and some of the girls asked me to go with them and I was like, you know what? I should take my therapist advice and occasionally go out with people and you know expand my horizons and heaven forbid go outside my comfort zone, so I went and For the first 15 minutes, it was fine because I just nodded and smiled and said yes.

Thank you. No, thank you. Oh Cool, that's nice and then they asked me questions and I Apparently unmasked which is why why did I do that?

Well, you're asking me what I like to do and I said the truth Which is I like to come home take all my makeup off shower get in my pajamas get into my bed Decompress in the dark and be quiet Mm-hmm This silence is a direct replica of the silence they gave me Why why did I tell them the truth? Why didn't I just say I I Can't even think of anything That's how non neurotypical I am I can't even think of what neurotypicals do Know that they're inferior or superior. It's just there's no reference point And then they were like, oh really You don't watch TV or and I was like, well, sometimes I have sex And again Silence was palpable That's true.

Sometimes we have sex after I come home from work or when you come home from work But apparently you're not supposed to say that which I never understood because sex is something that most people do But apparently that was weird too They did clarify it was with you and not strangers And Then they left and I didn't really understand that So in the end, I just became more and more quiet and just sat there and nodded and said cool. I Don't think they'll be inviting me out anytime soon No, I really want to go it's just Would be nice to have other friends But then would it would I just get dysregulated and overwhelmed and like I'm sorry I let you down I can't come I've people today Just feel so Not right with most people And you try not to but you end up thinking well, I must be the problem because you're the majority and I'm I Know I know I know I know what we say about majorities and I'm not being right, but I just You know what? I mean, don't you just feel so? Other It's like then they were talking about some woman on OnlyFans and they were basically saying well It's not actually that impressive that she has a nice house because she only got it through OnlyFans and I said well, don't you have to be really attractive and in shape and Find new ways to make Entertaining not-so-for-work content in order to do well on OnlyFans and it's not actually a large percentage of people that can do that And again, they looked at me like what the fuck is wrong with you my point was why are we hitting on this woman that we barely know and Why is it wrong that she made money through not-so-for-work content And why do we care and why are we talking about this?

I Don't understand anything I Find it all really sad Just feel like everybody feels so angry and vindicated and My way is the right way. It's like why I Don't think my way is the right way. It might be the okay ish way for me, but Won't want anybody else to just do it blindly because you know, it's the right way.

It's like no do your own thing Well, it might be why you love me but other people don't seem to Well, that's a lie my mom and my sister do Yeah, I know I should just care about their opinions and I do I don't really care about these are the women's opinions It's not about that. It's just like How can they believe that so? Fully, you know, they just It really hated her Like well anybody can do that and then I said well, why don't you And then he blinked and looked at me and I was like, no seriously if you jealous of this big house and you want one Why don't you give it a try?

And then she said I'm not jealous and then I said, oh, well You were saying how she doesn't really deserve the big house and how you could put it to better use because you have children And then everything went really quiet It's really strange because people have no problem telling me that I'm weird but as soon as I like Tell people what I think of them They don't accept it quietly I Don't think she likes me No, not really I Don't really dislike or like any of them. They're just kind of there and I'm sure they're fine. I'm sure they're Good enough people.

I just don't have anything in common with them. I I didn't like the negative energy about other people. So probably not gonna go again And I know they'll be saying things about me Can't really change who I am.

I'm not hurting anybody. I'm just be me And then they gave me a hug at the end of it and it's like why are you hugging me you clearly don't like me and The woman who really didn't like me gave me a really tight hug. I was like, why are you just trying to hurt me? Oh, I Don't understand I wish they'd just say thanks, but no, thanks.

I Really hope they don't invite me again Because this is the thing I don't think they want me to come they just feel they have to invite me which is so Why do neurotypical people do that? It's like no I don't want to but I have to because otherwise I'm perceived as being not nice and it's like That's the whole point. Like I don't think you should aim to be nice.

You should aim to be kind Or At least sincere It's like I know That this isn't real. I think you know, I know but you're carrying on with the charade of being nice and it's like just Just be you and authentically don't like me as long as you're not mean to me. It doesn't matter But I can imagine they find fault with that logic so I Just don't feel weird with you and that's what makes it even more jarring when I go outside and people are like you're weird I'm like, well, they don't think I am Yeah, but are we really that weird or are people just that rigid It's not as if we take feces and smear them on the wall that I can see people being like, excuse me What are you doing?

It's like so what I need to decompress when I come home and I need to lay down in the dark to recharge Why is that so strange? The world is full of lights and technology and people and noises and smells and it's like My brain is suffocated by the smoke of the city And that sounded really And I have a snuggle, please Really really really really tight one Tighter please squeeze my bones until they're cheese Hmm Well a few thank you for making me feel not weird No, you do a lot acknowledge it You see me and you don't shrink away in embarrassment, so that's really nice It's gonna be okay, isn't it? Just FYI I might need to stay here for a significant amount of time.