Asking Your Best Friend to Put a Baby in You

Transcript

One sec I'm on my way holy moly I'm on my fucking way oh no no I don't mean anything by it it's just I should have known that someone's being annoying at my door it's probably you what do you want anyway or did you come here just to hit me mm-hmm in the neighborhood huh interesting since you don't live in this neighborhood you just hiding from the girlfriend or what if you say so I don't know you put up with them they get on my nerves so fucking quick every time you bring them around not that I hate him or anything you know they're fine they make you happy so as long as my besties happy I'm happy you are happy right then why don't you just tell me why you're here I mean you can of course you can visit you're always allowed to visit you know that but you don't you don't ever come here unless I invite you or like we're planning to drink or watch a show so what's the deal I'm not even I'm not even interrogating you I'm just asking a simple question you're the one who's avoiding it being all weird and shit just cut to the chase thank you now is that so hard you want me to get you a drink is this like you're gonna unload something heavy on me is this the end of our friendship like what's going on wait this isn't the end of our friendship right well you look down after I said it like okay well do you want me to sit down like we've been friends for a really long time and I'm sure we've been through harder things do you remember that one girl I dated in high school I mean she only threatened you one time but yes and that situation like I didn't think we were gonna talk at all after that but here we are today it's like four years down the line if you've got something to say I'm not the person to be afraid to say it to no I can't help it I am smart I say smart things but really take a deep breath honestly I'm sure it's not even as big a deal as you're making it out to me oh okay well you're right it's definitely a big deal definitely a big consideration I guess I'm not upset with you not at all not at all I guess I'm just surprised like why why me you just said things were going fine with the girlies oh why not adopt ah so you admit I am smart well you don't give me compliments often I gotta relish in them when they come in please please continue no no no I am I am I am taking it seriously I'm just trying to lighten the mood are there other reasons you want me like why not adopt I guess I kind of just love that you would or you know get a puppy or something I mean they're not that different right they cost a lot of money you got to look after them they're small I mean like yeah okay a pet's definitely easier than a baby and a baby is definitely a lot more work I mean you have them for a lot longer too and yeah yeah yeah okay not that similar definitely a big deal did you did you talk to your partner about this like does she know that you're here right now oh okay so you you really have put a lot of thought into this then huh I'm gonna be honest though I don't know if I'm ready for a kid I'm I'm kind of confused so you don't want to have one you don't have one with me but you want me to help make you one or you know in the girly okay I think I get it so you just want me to like come in a cup and you knew like the turkey baster I don't know I don't I don't want to be presumptuous I also I don't know what you guys talked about I don't know how you would want to do it or oh okay yeah no no that makes sense if it's gonna improve the odds and some more natural process and I mean we have been friends a long time so wouldn't be like the weirdest thing we've ever done you know people have sex every day and it's not it's not a weird thing it's normal it's natural yeah I'm definitely rambling I I I just I don't know what to say I mean I guess yeah I don't see a problem I've known you for like as long as I could remember honestly since we were kids and you've always looked out for me so I feel like I feel like you'd be a great mom I feel like you always know how to do the right thing and you always think about others when you make your decisions you're smart and you're caring and funny and clever honestly it really would be selfish to keep those genes to yourself and obviously you have amazing taste since you're coming to me to provide the other half to this amazing gene pool like yeah don't you have going for you I am I'm taking it seriously I really am I promise I promise I I get it it's a big deal and honestly I'm honored that you would even think of me I don't know like I know you've dated guys before so I know you're not only into girls but I guess cuz like we never went past making out really any of those times that we were drunk so I felt like if there was any time where we would you know take that next step and do more than just cuddle when we sleep over it would be then but since I always stopped it like making out and falling asleep and cuddling I don't know I just I stopped thinking about it but I mean I'd be lying if I said I never thought about it don't tease me what you've obviously thought about it since you are the one here asking me so you're no better we're even actually you've probably thought about it more you brought it up with your partner I've never told anyone not much to say now huh yes I shouldn't probably stop joking and ask some real questions like what do you actually want from me so elegant of a way to put it oh yeah I mean I can I can dump my cum in you if you say I'm not the one taking it seriously I'm just teasing you don't have to be sorry I guess this isn't like a regular conversation it's not something that we would have ever really prepared for I guess but I mean I'm gonna be in the kids life anyway I gotta spoil them with all the noisy toys that you'd never buy those are the most fun ones I might annoy you but I'm gonna be their favorite yep 100% no I really am honored that you asked me to do this and yeah yeah I accept I guess my only other question would be like how soon do you want to do this and do you have my place or yours we get like a hotel I'm pretty sure they're not gonna want me in their bed I still don't even know if your girlfriend likes me I mean are you sure they agreed to this it always comes down to the eye wait what like right now right now or an hour right now kind of thing like I'm I'm no expert but I'm pretty sure that the time of day doesn't super matter when you're ovulating it's like just the day itself no no you're right I'm I'm a dumb boy what would I know oh okay you want to go to my room yeah yeah yeah I'll uh I'll meet you in my bedroom when you get out it's not and I expected to be doing on a Tuesday afternoon oh this is pretty good though I'm pretty sure I didn't make my bed Oh fall the nights I had to in bed oh it's okay we're fine okay okay you do a couple push-ups real quick okay okay oh you're really fast okay okay did you want to get in bed I guess I could have brought over the tequila or something make this a little bit more like old times maybe make it a little I don't know easier no I didn't mean like it's it's not easy or anything I'm rambling again no I think this is good you're right I'm overthinking it it's not hard at all I'm I'm actually really comfortable with you so yeah this is I'll take your shirt off okay I thought about this body a lot your body it looks so much better than I ever imagined good right? feel more aroused? pants off too? is it okay? I know you're probably used to a softer face between your legs so I hope my beard doesn't scratch you or tickle you too much but I'll do my best you can tell me what you like okay?

I'm a good listener too fast? okay.