💖 Ara Ara Aunty! 💖 (F4M) (Older Woman) (Your Mother's Best Friend) (Bold Confession)

Transcript

I'm coming. I'm coming. Just give me a sec.

Oh, I didn't have kids for this reason. What? Oh, what the hell? Honey, what are you doing? Yeah, I can see that.

You wanna tell me why you're drunk off your ass on my front porch? Oh, God. And I suppose your mom has no idea where you are? Wonderful.

Well, I'll be the one to call her. Get inside. Oh, you don't wanna bother me, my ass.

Get in there. Come on. I am very old and cranky.

You need to come now. Oh, my God. Seriously? Come on.

Up, sweetie. Steady. You're bigger than you look.

Come on. Don't you dare throw up in my hair. Okay, here we go.

All right? I'm serious now. No puking.

I am not in the mood for teenage shenanigans. Come on. The couch is just here.

Up, sweetie. All right? Look at me.

Hey? Come on. Oh, deary, deary, deary, deary, deary.

You cannot hold your liquor. What thing I said? Oh, yeah? How am I wrong? How am I wrong? Oh, oh, forgive me.

I forget. Someone is 21. And someone could go out and not hold their liquor.

My mistake. Yes, yes. You're an adult now.

An adult who doesn't know their limits. How very grown up of you. I'm your auntie.

I don't have to be nice to you. Now, let's call your poor mother and let her know you're not dead in the ditch. Stay there and don't puke on anything.

I'm serious. I'll be annoyed. Hey, lovely.

It's me. Mm-hmm. I do indeed have your offspring.

How would you like him returned? Dead or alive? No, he's fine.

He looks like he could puke, but he's fine. Don't be silly. He's fine.

He'll just sleep in the spare room. Mm-hmm. No.

I'll drop him off tomorrow. You get some sleep. You've had enough of a night.

Okay. Mm-hmm. Yeah.

All right, lovely. Bye now. Bye.

Well, lucky for you, your mother is a very forgiving woman and she says she loves you and she hopes you don't have a hangover. So, should I get a bucket? Mm-hmm.

I take vomit very seriously. I'll be right back. Stop saying sorry, you big dork.

Wait there. Voila. I present you with a bucket.

You're most welcome. So, what exactly did you drink to land yourself in this state? Why, oh why, would you take shots? Ooh, they're awful.

They do not conjure fond memories. Ooh, they're awful. They do not conjure fond memories.

Well, usually people only take shots if they're trying to forget something or trying to numb all feeling in the brain. So, which one was it? Come on.

Tell your auntie. Because I'm nosy. I don't have kids of my own.

Tell me. Hmm. That is so mean.

I am very much your auntie. Oh, yes, I am. And since when do you need to be related by blood to be family? You really need to change that conservative attitude of yours.

It really won't get you far in life. Oh, dear. Please aim for the bucket.

I really don't want to clean things up. Please. Ah, look at you.

It wasn't two minutes ago you were shoving crayons up your nose, and now you're embracing alcoholism. Your mother must be so proud. Proud? Well, proud, worrying.

They're kind of on the same thread. Well, I'm afraid you're just going to have to suck it up. You woke me up, remember? Hmm.

So, come on. What's been bugging you? Sweetie, believe this or not, but I am actually well-acquainted with getting drunk.

There are many forms of it. There's happy drunk. There's spontaneous drunk.

Sloppy drunk. Lovey drunk. Just wants to fall asleep drunk.

But this? This reeks of sad drunk. So, why are you sad, and why are you trying to bury it with alcohol? Well, it might be what most adults do, but I probably shouldn't set the precedent this early, if you want my humble advice.

Oh, for Pete's sake, just tell me. Come on. I promise I won't tell your mom.

Tell me what's making you sad. Well, you'll never know. I might be able to help.

Well, aren't we being sassy tonight? I'm the last person that could help you? How rude.

And after I fetched you a bucket. Your mother taught you better than this. Your mother taught you better than this.

That's alright. I forgive you. Now spill your guts, or I'll kick you out.

No, I won't. You know I won't. Just tell me.

Boy, if you don't. .. Okay, sorry, sorry.

Man, man. Very manly man who gets drunk and shows up at his mother's best friend's, man. I'm sorry.

Just tell me. Oh, come on. You used to be able to tell me anything.

What? You can't tell your old, out-of-touch Annie? Then tell me.

What? Okay. Is it school? Sorry, college.

Is it college? Okay, no, no. It's fine.

Is it drugs? Damn, I always knew you were a dork. Fine.

If it's not college and it's not drugs, then it has to be. .. a girl.

I guessed right. Oh, my boy, the oldest problem in the book. Well, fear not, for you have come to the right person.

There is no one more equipped to deal with your romance problem. So, what is she like, and why is she unattainable? Well, she has to be unattainable for you to have this sour face.

What, does she not know you exist? Is she popular? Is she a cheerleader? Does she think, hmm, this boy doesn't do drugs.

No way. Okay, she doesn't do drugs, she's not a cheerleader, and she's not ridiculously popular. Sounds like you might have a chance.

Okay, Mr. Sensitive, fine. I'm listening, I'm listening.

Why is this little girly girl of yours unattainable? Oh. Excuse me? Oh, Lord Jesus, take the wheel.

She's not a girl. I mean, sweetie, I always knew you had a sensitive side, but I didn't know you played for the other field. Oh, I was sleepy, but now I'm far too entertained.

Oh, cool your jets, I know you're not gay. I had to look through your browser history once. Well, your mother was convinced you were watching porn, and you were.

Very, very, very, very, very, very, very, hetero porn. And may I just say extremely vanilla. We were so disappointed.

Oh, lighten up. So why is this person not a girl and not a boy? Are they an alien? You're not in love with a dog, are you? I don't know, kids today, they'll hump anything.

Although, going through your browser history, it's much more likely to be a big-tittied anime girl. Right? Come on.

So easy. Okay, okay. So, she must be.

.. a woman. Am I right? Oh, baby boy, what have you gotten yourself into? Not a woman.

You're the worst. Savages. They just eat you up and spit you out.

Well, basically you're doomed, aren't you? Well, I see no point in lying to you. Women are vicious.

Just stating the facts for you, sweetie. I wouldn't want you to go into this situation unprepared. So, who is this mysterious vixen lady? Well, she must be.

Stealing young men's hearts like this. Criminal. What? What? Can't you let your auntie have a little bit of fun? You're so cute when you're probably dead.

Are you going to tell me or am I going to have to throw you out of this house? I'm afraid so. Take it or leave it, sweetheart.

A wicked woman. Well, I never claimed to be otherwise. Is that the kind of stuff your vixen comes out with? Oh, regularly.

Well, now I'm intrigued. No, seriously. She sounds sophisticated.

Charming. Sure of herself. Hell, maybe I'd want to hump her.

There's plenty about me you don't know, sweetie. So, who is she? Oh, come on.

You can't really drag this out anymore. Huh? Whoa, whoa, whoa.

What was that? Oh, honey. No.

No, listen to me. Look, listen. Listen.

You have had a lot to drink, okay? No, listen, I'm not mitigating, I'm not trying to hurt you. I just.

.. You are so, so drunk, okay? And that never helps with decision making or kissing or anything, okay? It's all just a drunken mess, and that's okay.

It's. .. Oh, honey.

You are so young and so drunk. You don't even know what you're saying. I'm not trying to patronize.

I'm telling you the truth. People do really weird stuff, including kissing their mother's best friend. It's just.

.. It's fine. We won't even talk about it, okay? Taking you seriously? What do you mean, take you seriously? Sweetie, I am literally old enough to be your mama.

I am best friends with your mama. Can you not see that this is a tad. ..

questionable? What's so weird about it? Um.

.. Everything. Look, why are we even talking about this? This was a silly mistake.

It was just. .. You are a hormonal teenager.