A Sexual to the Rescue (F4M) (Friends to Lovers) (Your Writer Friend Has to Write an Erotic Script) (But She’s a Virgin) (Help Me)

Transcript

Hello, and thank you so much for endorsing this nonsense, please come in. It's my fault for working in a creative field when I have the creativity of a. ..

not very creative thing. You see? Couldn't even think of a not-creative thing.

A rock? Is that not creative? Are you sure you're okay with helping me? Positive? Because you might have your hands full.

Uh, because I have notes, and questions, and bullet points. Very sexy to reorganize, thank you very much. We sure? First chance saloon to run away.

Then you have no one to blame but yourself. I'm mean. I am going to order you whatever you want, because I need all the help I can get, please choose from the takeaway options.

The sky is the limit, my friend, because I am at my wits' end, I don't understand. I've never written an erotic piece before, what am I supposed to say? Or do, or have the characters say or do, oh my god.

Please rescue me. Because I'm practically asexual, and you are not, and you're the only person I can ask about this, it's not as if I can be like, mom, can you just give me some help with this? So thank you, I love you, bless you.

Please choose as many spring rolls as you would like. Not that I am trying to influence you, but I am slightly trying to influence you, I really fancy Chinese. I need help with my creative juices, and food always helps.

The starving artist trope is redundant, and cliched, and stereotypical, and I will break them all, okay? I do not aspire to starve, I aspire to eat enough. And write enough, and then sleep.

Wow. That is from a commissioner who was like, I love your writing style, but I live for more romance, and I was like, okay, romance, yeah, I can do romance, you know, like, are you thinking a meet-cute, are you thinking a slow burn? And they were like, oh, eroticism, and I'm like, oh, I'm faked.

Oh, am I already taking the commission money? I know, I know, you shouldn't take the money first, because as soon as you take the money, you're like, oh, well, I've already got the money, I don't really care about the project. Well, I never learned.

Damn you, capitalistic greed. I've been raised to be a whore. And also, I needed to pay the electricity bill, so, there was that.

Okay, you're right, you're right, you're right, you're right, I can do this. I've written about many things. I've written about history, philosophy, love.

How hard can sex be, really? Other I would know, but, you know. Help.

That is definitely a good starting point. Thank you for choosing Chinese. I'm going to place that order before I completely give in to despair.

Okay. Okay. Food is on the way.

You are here. You have had sex. We can do this.

We can do this. There is nothing stopping us. I can write.

You have had sex. Let's do this. Well, thankfully, the outline was pretty vague.

Let me just get it back up. Heteroerotic. Focusing on female pleasure and seduction.

500 to 2,000 words. Yes, I'm aware my job was weird, but, such is life. I had to get to work from home, hand order Chinese, and not save for your parents.

I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry.

Chinese and not save you for? The pros vastly outweigh the cons. Except in this instance, because I have no idea what I'm talking about, and the hub scares me.

It does. I'm sure, I'm sure there's variety, but the main page is very in, out, in, out, shake it all about. Was this written by a man? I just don't see what's sexy about instantly going inside somebody with no foreplay.

Also, isn't that a strange concept that the things that probably would bring the most pleasure are considered, like, the appetizer and not the main dish? Always found that weird. It's like, oh, you have to get that over with.

It's like, oh, wouldn't it be better if you took more time? Thereby increasing the pleasure, thereby increasing the climax that you're trying to arrive at. I swear there is validity to this.

Because I have female friends and they say things. Like, why are certain people threatened by lube? Why is foreplay treated like homework? See, this is why I've always thought that, like, most men should sleep with other men.

Because sexually, men seem to be in line with men and women seem to be in line with women. But, I don't know. Some people are just adamant about being straight.

God help them. No, I know the methodology. No, I know the methodical, practical side of things.

You know, I literally know the ins and outs, but I don't know the details. I don't know what makes things appealing or not appealing. And judging by the hub and what's most popular on there, I don't feel like I represent the target demographic.

Even if I was sleeping with someone, I just don't feel that what's popular would be popular with me. And I know, before you say, cornography, as they like to say on the internet, has made leaps and bounds, I'm aware. I really am aware.

But also, a lot of it is very much like, punish her, make her feel this, this, this. And it's like, okay. Do I not just have consensual, healthy, nice sex? Do I not just have consensual, healthy, nice sex? I suppose the theory is that they need to have as quick of an orgasm as possible, because that's really what pornography is about.

But I disagree, because I've spoken to a lot of women that are like, pornography is a really good time to just get in touch with yourself and just lazily take your time and have a really relaxing, nice session, which probably illustrates the further gap between the genders. Yes, I have thoughts, just not sexy thoughts. I have very.

.. anatomical, objective. ..

practical thoughts. And maybe we can apply that into this piece, but I also need the sexiness. No, I don't need you to write the story, I just need you to tell me what's appealing about heterosexual sex.

What is wrong with straight answers? Neurotypical people are so strange. Because that's the information I need, and in order to get that information, I need to ask a direct question, and not fuddy it about with.

.. Ooh, what about this? What about that? Ah, OK, so.

.. Sex is kind of like doing direct things, but kind of in an indirect way. So, like, in order to have the romance of sex, it's good to, like, I don't know.

.. Uh. ..

Well, basically romanticize it, right? Like, yeah, instead of saying, like, uh, shall we have sex, and then just agreeing to have sex, you kind of have to have, like, the foreplay before the foreplay, like, the mood and the talk and. ..

OK, that kind of makes sense. That's kind of like setting up ambience in a room, like with candles and. ..

Oh, a nice heated blanket and some cosy cottagecore videos. You leave my asexual fantasies alone, they are too pure for this world. I kind of get it, so it's like.

.. You can directly say, let's have sex, and have, like, all the communication of proper healthy couples, so, like, is this OK, is that OK? But you also want to feed in the kind of romance and the mood of.

.. Uh. ..

What's the word? Seduction, yes, yes. You want, like, enough, uh, direction with fluff.

So, like, you can ask, is this OK? And then you could, like, pepper the neck with kisses and tell them that they're so beautiful. I'm not saying that, like, the fluff is a lie, it's just that it's, like, uh.

.. Bonus dialogue! That's it, that is it.

OK, OK, this is good. Can be direct, but also needs bonus dialogue, brackets, fluff. See, that makes sense, actually.

Cos it's like, with me, someone could say, well, you can enjoy your cottagecore stuff in just a blank room, if you just had the video, and it's like, yeah, I could, but it would also be nicer if there was adorable bedding and low lighting and a hot chocolate and a heated blanket and a dog to cuddle with and. .. Oh.

.. Oh, why would anybody choose sex when that's an option? OK, OK, OK, back to the sex, if we must.

OK. So, thus far, part of the seduction is being direct, but also feeding that additional bonus dialogue, fluff, and creating ambiance. So, does that carry on through to the entire sex, or do you get more, like, direct with more direct acts?

Hmm. .. OK, so it depends.

Do you want mostly romantic sex or mostly, like, pornographic sex? Hmm. ..

I shall ask the Commissioner because, uh, those are the questions you need to ask. Hmm. ..

Hey, what about acts? Obviously, there's in and out, you know, licking stuff and slapping stuff and all that, but is there anything that's, like, usually guaranteed to work? Hmm.

.. Nipple play, OK. Ah, but again, don't think of it as, like, a functional thing, as, like, if I do this, this will happen.

Think of it as, like, part of the pleasure. OK. So it's, like, you're not just being, like, if I do this and this, then she'll do this, then she'll be like that, and then it'll be like, whoo-hoo!

Hmm, it's not a mathematical equation. OK. You have to be.

.. Hang on, let me write this down. You have to be.

.. How do you say? In tune and present and receptive to responses.

I actually think that's such a good point, cos if you noticed in, like, some pornography, it's just, like, they use the bottom person, however you say it, the receiver, kind of like a toy, you don't really check in with them and ask them how they are or, like, adjust their behaviour based on the reaction of what they're doing to the person. Ah, OK, OK. Check in with partner, make sure they like what's happening, are receptive and are enjoying themselves.

See, that all makes sense to me. I don't think I'm going to have sex, but if I do have sex, I'd be like, that makes a lot of sense. I mean, you don't really go on a walk without checking in with somebody.

Like, are you OK? Are you tired? How far should we go? It's like, why wouldn't you do that in a really intimate setting? I think, like, bad pornography, if you can even call it bad pornography.

.. I mean, bad's not the right word. Less thoughtful pornography kind of gives the idea that you have to follow a certain script and you have to say certain things and act a certain way, but the reality is, from the impression I'm getting, is that sex is deeply personal and individual and there's not really a script to follow.

Did I get it? Yeah? Oh, I feel like I got a good start.

I'm just saying, if it's obvious to an asexual, it should be pretty obvious to a sexual. Not showing off or anything. I mean, I am slightly showing off, but, you know.

I feel like I've earnt it. What about climax? Well, everybody seems to make a really big fuss about it, and I get it.

Like, you want to feel that boom. I know about boom. Not all asexuals haven't felt those things, you know.

Well, I say I am, but. .. I kind of find myself really hard to place, because it's like, I do occasionally, and I do mean, like, every six months, feel the need to, like, have an orgasm.

That's great, but I don't really feel the need to so much have sex. Probably because I treat it far more mechanically than people would like. Kind of like meditation.

It's like, um. .. Wonderful sleep.

Whereas I don't think I'd be able to achieve that with another person. And also, if a dirty talk is everything to go by, oh my god. Who wants to call me this? I don't think so, sir.

I'm not shaming, I'm just saying I don't want to do that. Anyway, we're not talking about me, we're talking about climaxes. Very serious stuff.

Well, do you think it should be a big crescendo, or do you think it should be more nuanced, or do you think it should be left up to personal perspective? You know, like, in some writing or some pornography, it's like. ..

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Okay. So maybe do several. Do a slightly over-the-top one, and, uh.

.. .. .

Then a shuddery, quiet one. That is true. Not all climaxes are made equal.

Good point. Now, what are your thoughts on aftercare? Do you think it should just be snuggles together, or showering, or words of affection, or.

.. All three, you whore. Fine.

I'll consider it. This is going to be at least 4,000, and then I'm going to have to edit like a son of a gun. No, I really do appreciate it.

Thank you.