A Jealous Boy's Confession to His Beloved Childhood Friend

Transcript

Yeah, well, I'm just glad that you're okay. Stay safe. Yeah, b-bye.

Jesus Christ, I can't believe she almost got fucking robbed in the middle of the street like that. I can't imagine how scared she must have been. It's crazy.

Shit, was he serious about that part where she said the guy from our class saved her from them? Like, that guy? The one who wears the dark clothes and is super quiet all the time? He's the last person I would expect to show up and save her, but that's what she said.

God, why do I feel so awkward about this? I mean, she's okay. It's all that matters.

That's all that should matter. Am I jealous of him? Oh my god.

Oh, fuck, I actually am. I am jealous of him. Fuck, does that make me a bad person? I wish it was me who could have saved her.

Just imagining the look that would be on her face if I did something like that for her. It's so painful. I want that.

I want that so bad. What am I gonna do? I've pushed off confessing to her for so long, especially after we started drifting apart.

It was always my plan to tell her how I feel eventually, even though eventually never really got any closer. I guess I was sort of waiting for her to make a move. But of course, she never did.

She just got farther and farther away, and I did nothing about it because I was scared. Just like I've always been. I guess at some point I just figured that we'd been so far separated that there was no point in even trying.

I mean, how could she like me back when she didn't even want to hang out with me? Is there even a point in trying now? Now that she has this guy? Maybe.

Maybe this is the final nail in the coffin. Maybe I wasted too much time worrying about how she felt about me and I blew my only shot with her, even if it was just the slimmest chance. Or maybe it was a lost cause all along.

Maybe she never even considered that she might like me more than just a friend, and was just waiting for someone better to come along. And now someone has. I mean, I wouldn't blame her.

All the other girls barely give me the time of day. It's like they can't even see me. I mean, why would they? I'm just a skinny, shy dork who's only good at knitting, and she's the crown jewel of the entire school.

I mean, she's smart, she's athletic, she's kind, funny, and she's drop dead gorgeous. There's nothing that she doesn't have. Hell, even before tonight, she was pretty much spoiled for choice.

Any guy on campus would date her in a heartbeat. I know I would. So why should she like me back? I was honestly deluding myself if I even thought that I had the slightest chance.

No, I can't think like that. I can't live like that. What the hell is my problem that I can't stop wallowing in self-pity and just fucking do something about this?

I need to take the first step. I can't wait any longer, because I've already waited long enough. I still don't know if I can say it to her face to face.

I might be so nervous that I mess something up and she'll get the wrong impression. How about I write her a letter? It's a cliche.

No, no, it's actually sweet. But it needs something more. Something extra.

Special. Well, the only thing I know I can make special is something I can knit. What can I knit her? Hmm.

Something seems off about this. I mean, it's a good letter. I feel like I express my feelings really well, but I just feel like it would be more impactful if I were able to read it out loud to her.

Like she would really get the message if I said those words right to her face. Instead of letting her read them off of a page. But I can't do that.

Can I? No, no. There's no way.

I can't give a presentation in front of the class that I've prepared hours for without giving a nervous breakdown. What makes me think I can confess to the girl of my dreams without, I don't know, probably having a heart attack or something? I mean, I'm freaking out just waiting here for her to walk by.

But still, this might be the last chance I'll get in my whole life to tell her how I really feel. I have to go all in, right? Yeah.

But it's so hard. I can't even imagine looking her in the eyes, saying these words. Okay, okay.

Maybe I just need to practice a bit. I think I still have a bit of time before she shows up. Dear my best friend in the whole world.

Damn, fuck. Why did just those few words sound so awkward? Okay, maybe.

Maybe I should just skip that part. I shouldn't read it out if it's not a letter anymore, right? Yeah.

Okay, okay. We've known each other. No, it's too friendly sounding.

I want to be serious. We've known each other for as long as I can remember. No, why did I pause in the middle of that? I'm not making this up as I go.

I'm pretty much reading off a script. It makes me sound like a poser. Okay, again.

Doing it right this time. We've known each other for as long as I can remember. Some of my earliest memories are catching caterpillars in jars with you and watching them slowly turn into butterflies and building snow forts and having snowball fights and laying on the lawn on clear nights and looking up at the stars, imagining what it would be like to get into a spaceship and see all of them up close.

You are the most special person in the world to me. Nobody can ever or will ever replace you. You've never left my side.

You've never let me down. You're always there when I need you. To be honest, I don't know what I would do without you.

I can't even imagine what that would be like. If I could even be happy. If I could ever smile again.

I'm not sure if you feel the same way about me. I know you're nice to me and you hang out with me all the time, but a part of me feels like you see me as just another face in your endless pool of friends. That I'm nowhere near as special to you as you are to me.

If that is the case, then I don't blame you. You've always been much more popular than I ever have. But I want you to realize that nobody admires you like I do.

Nobody cares for you like I do. Nobody will ever come close to feeling like I do about you. I know that's true because I know I'm the only one who shares those memories with you.

The only one who's been at your side for so long. What I'm trying to say is, I love you. I love you and I've always loved you.

How could I not? You're smart, kind, beautiful, and you make me feel like nobody else in the world can. Just by being there.

It's like you were placed in my life just so that I could, like a fairy tale. You couldn't write it better than that. I know I'm not handsome, strong, manly, or anything that you are.

And I certainly can't beat up a group of robbers all by myself. But I can love you more than you could ever know. And that's why I wrote this letter.

To give you the tiniest glimpse of how much you mean to me. And I do mean the tiniest. No words could ever capture my feelings.

I don't know if you like me back. In fact, I'm almost certain that you don't. But I wanted to at least try.

Because as they say, you miss 100% of the shots that you don't take. So here it is. Here's my shot.

Even if you don't feel the same way, you still have a right to know how I feel. And I feel I have a right to know that you know how I feel. That way we can move on.

I also knitted- Oh, hold on. This bear for you. I know you like bears.

And you like pink. So a pink bear seemed like the obvious choice. Remember to hand wash it and air dry it, or else it might lose its color and softness.

But I hope you like it. Whether or not you like me, and even if you don't, please, please keep it. It's yours.

Just like I'm yours. And I'll be waiting for you if you ever want me. Phew! Well, I guess that went okay.

I'm still not sure, but eh. I don't know if it'll get much better than that. Where is she? It's getting kinda cold out here.

She would take this route home, right? I mean, I know her. I know her.

This is the way she goes when she wants to decompress and get away from people for a while. I mean, this is the only way she would go, right? After all the attention she's gotten these past few weeks, she's probably exhausted.

I know I would be. And she's even used to being popular, too. Well, part of me honestly doesn't want to even see her come this way, because that would mean she went alone, without me, even though this route was our secret.

No, no. I can't think that way. Just focus on the gift, and she'll love it.

I spent so much time knitting that bear. I even made it her favorite color and stitched her name to its chest. And the letter.

God, I poured my heart into it. I just hope she'll at least accept it. I just want her to know how I feel.

Who am I kidding? There's no way she likes me back. And if she did, I wouldn't be sitting here worrying about it.

Really. I'm not even sure whether or not she even likes me as a friend. With how little I've seen her over the past few years, I would barely call us acquaintances.

And, well, there's him to top it all off. What's so wrong with me that I can't be grateful to him like everyone else is? He saved the life of the most important person in the world to me.

He deserves all the attention he's getting. The cheer squad crowding around him, that party they threw for him, the local press calling him a hero. I mean, I could never do something like that if it weren't for me.

I would have just been as panicked and scared as she was. But apparently he took on all four guys at once, even knocked one of them out, sent them all running for the hills. I mean, he deserved it.

Cornering her in the alleyway like that. I'm glad he was there to protect her. I really am.

And he seems like a great guy. He was so humble when people started praising him, saying it's what anyone would have done in that situation. It's funny.

I think everyone assumed he was a delinquent just because of the way he dresses. And I can't really blame them for that. But I guess you can't just judge a book by its cover.

I mean, he saved her. He fucking saved her. What have I done for her? Been a thorn in her side when she just wanted to hang out with her other friends.

Acted like I should be in the center of the universe just because she's the center of mine. Maybe I really just don't deserve her. Maybe I should just give up.

Maybe she should be with him instead. Is this letter even worth anything at this point? Is this bear worth anything? They're just material.

I can't make her smile or laugh. Or make her feel safe. Or anything like that.

This is all I can give her. Just. ..

Just. .. Stuff.

No. No. Stop thinking like that.

It might just be stuff. But it's my stuff. These words are all mine.

All my feelings. I knitted this bear with my own hands. I put my love into these things.

And. .. It's okay.

If she doesn't feel the same way. .. I'll be okay.

You need to know. I tried. I'll be okay.

I'll be okay. I think that's her coming. I guess I really do know her well.

Alright. Let's do this. Hey.

Hey, wait up. Hey, it's me. How've you been? Good? Good.

Yeah. It has been a long time, hasn't it? Well, it's actually been about a week, but.

.. Feels like a long time, huh? Right.

Yeah, I know everything that's happened. You told me. Remember? The party you and the cheer team threw.

The way the local press has been reporting on your every move. I've heard it all. How could I not? Everyone in town knows.

Right. Yeah, yeah, I understand. Got a time crunch with those finals coming up.

Does kinda suck that you've been caught up in all of this in such a bad time. By the way though, are you sure you're good to walk home alone? You know, after what happened? Yeah, right.

I guess so. He'll probably pop out at any moment if he hears you in danger. Like Superman or something.

Yeah. Yeah, yes, of course. All jokes aside though, he is really amazing for saving you like that.

I'm really glad that he was there at the right time and place. It's like a miracle. Oh, really? Your parents invited him for dinner last night? They said they wanted to meet the man who saved their daughter? That's.

.. That's great. Right, yeah.

I can see how that would be a bit awkward, especially for a usually quiet and humble guy like him. I know your parents can really be talkative. I can't imagine how much praise they are going to give him.

Yeah. Yeah, you're right. He does deserve the praise.

Absolutely. Absolutely. Huh? Oh, yeah, that's right.

I do have something to tell you. And something to give you. Just hold on a second.

Let me get it out. Come on. Huh? You can't take it right now? Why not? There's another party tonight? You mean for him? But you and the volleyball team already threw him one.

Yeah, I know. You have to take a shower and get dressed and everything. It's just.

.. Sorry, I'm a little in shock. I had no idea this was happening tonight.

No, I wasn't invited. I didn't hear anything about it. I mean, maybe I did.

I just assumed people were talking about the first party. I mean, two parties in one week? Yeah, that's weird that I wasn't invited.

I'm in the class and everything, but nobody told me. Did they just forget me? Or did they leave me out intentionally? Both seem likely, to be honest.