5. Empowered Submission - Masterclass

Transcript

Hello once again, beautiful. Welcome to Empowered Submission's fifth installment, a supplementary chapter meant to bridge the gap between fantasy and reality. In Intro to Subspace, we covered some of the broad-strokes basics of BDSM and the fulfilling oh-so-unpinnedownable role of the submissive.

In Suspense, we fortified our interior sense of comfort and curiosity, delving deeper into the needs of your body. In Surrender, we dialed up the heat, tapping into pleasure and the joy of following orders. And in Security, we resettled those experiences, integrating them into your blissed-out body.

If you're here now, it feels safe to say that this may be an area of interest for you. And why not? You've seen behind the curtain and glimpsed the veritable infinite depths of your own arousal.

I mean, what's not to love? However, words are not actions, and theory is not practice. As much as I wish I could.

I can't guide you into the arms of a seasoned, responsible, and drool-worthy dominant partner by sheer force of will. I can only do so much. So you see, my little ducklings, this is where you come in.

Empowered Submission's goal is not simply to set you up for success as the mistress of your own pleasure, the engineer of your own submission, but an active participant in power-exchange relationships, whether they last a night, a weekend, or the rest of your life. This is no small feat. It takes slightly more than a tangerine glow on your doorjamb and the sultry sound of my voice.

But fret not, dear listener, I have every faith in you. What follows are a few guidelines for integrating submission into your life if you require a body that is not your own. Finding a Play Partner This sounds simple, but it has much to do with your comfort level.

There's no one way to go about this. What works for a single woman in a large city with access to vetted sex clubs may not work for a divorced mother in a suburb concerned with who else might see her dating profile, and certainly may not work for someone integrating these principles into a long-term relationship. In fact, there are as many ways to get Play Partners as there are to get dates, and philosophies abound on how sacred one should keep their kink.

You could casually find a like-minded partner on a kink platform like FetLife, FetLife.com, or you could simply broadcast your choices on a dating profile. However, I will admit that the coded acronyms and short-handed buzzwords have long since stopped making sense to me. Perhaps you'd like to see if you have physical or emotional chemistry first with a partner before bringing it up.

Fabulous choice. In this case, a verbal overture is often the best way to break the ice on a possible walk on the wild side. Depending on your location, many cities have kink communities of various sizes.

You can find them online, and they offer organized munches or casual gatherings, as well as play parties or educational events. This is a great way to broaden the social aspect of your BDSM circle and organically interact with potential partners. If you are, as I was, convinced that no relationship will be fulfilling without an element of a dumb sub-dynamic, be forewarned.

I know I risk sounding like a kinky dare officer, but I was a naive young woman with a very particular desire I was chasing, and I tried to mold every boy I met into something he wasn't ready to be, which is unfair as a partner. This is not a lifestyle that can or should be forced on somebody. I am of the opinion that BDSM can bring people together, and it can help them stay together, but it won't keep them together.

The communication inherent in these practices often builds strong relationships, but it isn't a cure-all, exerting your boundaries. So you've got somebody drooling over you and ready to do any number of unspeakable things. Where to begin? Ding, ding, ding, communication, again.

Not to sound like a killjoy, but the best way to ensure a seamless transition from earth to heaven is a solid, straightforward, and preferably sober communication. There's a reason most BDSM clubs are dry, because boundaries are not negotiated, they are stated. Do you have a boundary list? Consider making one.

They generally have three columns, yes, no, maybe. Dozens of excellent examples are available online, and they may even give you some insight to options or activities you hadn't even considered before. So before you get down to business, let your partner know your thoughts on things like butt stuff, on terms like slut or whore, are you team pussy or team cunt?

Do you like play fighting? If they tickle you, will they get clocked in the face? I'm not saying make it a deposition, but trust me, reinforcing the limits of your playtime will keep you and your partner focused on the realms that you can inhabit and will keep you feeling grounded and safe.

Expressing your limits and vulnerability. I don't remember much about algebra, but I know that variables make things harder to predict. Maybe that was chemistry, I don't know, don't quote me.

This though is no different. When you bring in another person's energy, their personality, it will never be the same as your solo fantasy time, which is entirely within your control. I would be remiss as well not to mention the penetrative aspect, the taking in of another person, if that is an element in sex that you enjoy.

This can bring up any number of emotions, and here I go, broken record. Your vulnerability is a beautiful thing, a sign of your body's protective instincts, and its best friend is, say it with me, communication. Nothing about this can be learned in a day.

It's an organic process that can feel like learning a new language, or perhaps a martial art or a dance style is more appropriate, something inherently partnered. There is trial and error, and as you navigate the minefield of dating or play parties or even the intermittent use of BDSM in an existing relationship, I hope you can keep in mind the lessons from earlier on in the series. By staying open, curious, and above all safe in body, mind, and psyche, you set the stage to be gratified fully, to give of yourself freely, and to find your place in this funky, mixed up, kinky world.

I send you love and insight. Thank you, beautiful.