4. Intro to BDSM

Transcript

Safety and Techniques As we discussed in the first chapter, safety and techniques are both very important to the BDSM community. Remember that BDSM activities should be safe, sane and consensual. People who take the time to develop their skills, whether spanking or bondage or electro-sensation, earn respect in this world.

Even the simplest activities have safety protocols. Corporal fantasies that require using toys, sharp or blunt object, causing pain or using restraint can be dangerous. Even role-playing fantasies can become psychologically overwhelming, leaving a submissive feeling out of control or disoriented during or afterwards.

In BDSM, people need to trust each other. Many BDSM activities cause intense physical sensation. Without physical arousal, that intense sensation could probably be interpreted as pain.

But when we add in sexual arousal, intense sensation can become pleasurable. Endorphins are released with intense physical sensation resulting in a high, much like a runner's high. People may find that they can take much more stimulation than they originally anticipated and they experience rewarding dopamine response in the brain from the activity.

This altered state of consciousness means that although your submissive may be enjoying the scene, a dominant must still be aware of the potential dangers. It is possible to hurt someone without either of you realizing it in the time or without the submissive uttering the safe word. Injuries can range from minor cuts and bruises to more serious conditions such as nerve damage or improper use of restraints, soft tissue damage from striking the body incorrectly, vaginal or anal tearing due to the improper use of toys, and so on and so far.

Causing injury to someone during BDSM scene is a serious issue and you can probably imagine it's not much fun to make a trip to the ER and explain why your spouse or a partner has hot wax burns on their genitals or a pen stuck in their urethra. Be extremely careful inserting objects into the anus or vagina, whether those objects are sex toys meant for insertion or everyday objects. The number of people going to the emergency room for sex toy related injuries has increased every year since 2007 and after the release of Fifty Shades of Grey in 2011 there was a notable spike.

A survey of hospital room data has found that 83% of these injuries require foreign body removal. You don't want to become a statistic. Use lubricant.

Check that the size and shape is realistic for insertion and removal. Make sure that you will not lose the object in your vagina or anus. Some people are better able to control the muscle that helps expel a toy that sleeps too far inside.

If you are playing with bondage, be careful not to restrict the blood flow through major veins or arteries with the restraints. Do not use too much pressure with the restraints either. Please refer to more specific instructions for a better understanding of what too much means.

Think ahead. Do not create unnecessary knots that cannot be released quickly if someone uses a safe word or is experiencing complication. If you see someone's hands, legs or cock turning blue or purple, do not panic but immediately release the pressure.

Numbness is also a sign to loosen the restraints. Leather handcuffs might be a better choice for beginners than rope. Some people think it's sexy to use a collar and leash but please do not use anything that tightens around the neck and does not pull.

Be aware of existing medical conditions that can complicate different forms of BDSM play. Diabetes may cause circulation problems that can be exacerbated by bondage, for example. A tendency to claustrophobia or panic attacks might be problematic if you are working with restraints or blindfolds.

Impact force must be centered on the fleshy areas of the body. Spanking, cropping, whipping, flogging and caning are all very different practices but should respect one important rule. Do not hit the kidney, heart, neck or head.

If your partner enjoys being hit on the genitals or breasts or they think they like it, be extremely gentle at first. After each hit or two, ask them about their pain level. You can use a scale from 1 to 10 where 1 means give me all that you have and 10 means stop, I mean so much pain.

Ask them what their limit is for each particular session. Some people may not want to go past 5 or 6, some people may change their mind and decide to stay at 3. Both partners should understand the implementation being used.

If you wish to use any implement on your partner, you should probably experience it yourself first. Even if you do not like the sensation, you should understand how to control it to provide your partner with the best experience. Spanking, for example, is less severe than flogging or cropping but can still be intense.

Both caning and whipping are even more intense and carry more risk of lacerations. Whips come in different styles. The bullwhip or single tail is the most severe of all of them.

A bullwhip makes cracking noise because it travels faster than sound. They are truly dangerous because once they land on the surface of the body, whether back or front, they can wrap around and hit the person on the other side as well. This could result in an unexpected blow to the neck, chest, breast or genitals even if you are intending to strike the back.

Again, please seek out detailed information and training if you wish to use any of these implements in your play. Do not overindulge in alcohol or other substances even if you are nervous. Some BDSM clubs and events are completely substance-free because of the emphasis on consent, safety and skill.

If you need to get wasted to do something, it probably isn't for you anyway. If you are used to drinking alcohol before sex, experiment with staying sober and paying attention to the sensations in your body. Do not forget that the dominant partner, whoever is in charge of the scene, should maintain a sense of responsibility at all times.

You must exercise your best judgment about what should happen next when you are playing. Even if your submissive has not uttered the safe word, for example, you should check in with them periodically to check on pain levels and ask them whether they are still consenting. Whenever you try something new that requires physical skill, there is a learning curve that should be respected.

Part of a healthy experimentation is preparation. Figuring out what you want to try, what types of implements you need, how to use them properly, understand what could go wrong and appreciate what could go right. And that's when you can really start having fun.