4. Empowered Submission - Masterclass

Transcript

Hello again, beautiful. Welcome to Empowered Submission's fourth and final installment, Security. This is an aftercare aid to help you with your transition out of subspace.

You have reached a place of contentment and vulnerability, whether you've climaxed or You have made me very proud, and now, you can just be. Let me help you ease open the door of your sanctuary, and together we can integrate your experience, keeping a feeling of secure submission and an accessible place for your future practice. So, before you shake off your sheets and resume kicking ass for the day, ease your eyelids closed for just a few more moments.

Check in with your breath, and let everything be easy. Confirm to break. In this moment, you can crawl under some covers, or roll onto your side.

What's most important is a feeling of comfort, of natural ease instead of a held meditative space. If you're still holding in your mind the aura of orange light at your threshold, you can let it go, power it down. While we'd all love cake for breakfast and a bounce house in the backyard, we've got to let the real world back in.

With no added strain, and a full, gooey heart, breathe deeply. You can keep your eyes open, or closed. You can lie on your side, your back, or any position that allows you the fullest expression of ease.

No matter what form your submission takes, solo or with a partner, tender or intense, blissful or physically trying, it's important to return to your body safely and mindfully. The connection to another person's will is not without sacrifice, and even the most relaxed scene can leave you feeling drained of focus. Without gradually easing yourself back into reality, you can find yourself snapping back, which is jarring to the emotions and the body.

If what I'm saying feels like overkill, that's perfectly fine. Aftercare seems like the last thing on anyone's mind when they're spent at the end of a rollicking good scene, but just like a safe word, aftercare is something you'll want to have and not need, not the other way around. I'll tell you a story.

My first time visiting a dungeon in New York City, I was probably 19 years old. I had experimented with bondage and spanking, but for the most part, my subby fantasies were played out only in my mind. However, at this play party, I hit it off with a remarkably friendly rope dom who was looking for a partner to suspend.

We'll call him Luca. We were both romantically attached, and the club had strict rules about sexual conduct, so our scene was going to be primarily corporal punishment, while I kept my lady bits mostly covered. I thought, understandably at first, that without a sexual element, our scene would be quick and easy.

Haha, 45 minutes later, I'm trussed up in 200 meters of silk rope, hanging four feet off the ground, drawing a crowd of strangers while Luca pummels my buns with a paint stirrer. What a rush. I'd never whited out from pain before.

I'd never pushed my limits like that before. I'd never been so hot and bothered without any sexual touching before. I'd certainly never been beaten in front of a crowd before, and boy, was an exhibitionist born that day.

Certain images and sensations from that night I will never forget. Parts of that scene remain a blur to this day, but the point of the story was that after a lengthy corporal session, during which I was exceptionally smart-alecky, something very unnerving happened. I was lowered down, gently, ropes were loosened and removed, and I was given a blanket.

Luca sat down on the floor in the middle of the stage and wrapped me up in it. I complained that I wasn't a baby, and I tried very hard to crack jokes as I gingerly rubbed my burning trouser hams. Luca gently insisted that I had already lollygagged too long, and before I knew it, sub-drop, the adrenaline of everything, the thrill, the crowd, the pain morphing into ecstasy, ran out.

And suddenly, I was not a shabari-adorned sex-kitten plaything. I was nineteen, on a dark stage, in my underwear, and my butt was killing me. If you've ever almost been in an accident, or scared yourself, and begin crying out of nowhere, you'll understand this feeling.

The real world rushed in like a cold draft, but seasoned, gentle Luca just wrapped me up in a blanket and spooned me. Gradually, I calmed down enough that we could talk, as I regained my faculties enough to rejoin the human race. He reminded me that I had gone through a tremendous amount of physical pain, and that even though my brain rewired that pain into fun, that my body still stored that pain.

I don't mean to be glib, but years later, I would have a remarkably similar conversation with a therapist. In both cases, the body is the gateway to healthy recovery. Your mind takes a temporary vacation when you enter subspace.

Your body never gets a day off. It is so important to thank your body for going through what it does, and soothe it the way you would any other loved one. I'll never be able to put a price on the value of Luca's experience, and anyone looking to pursue BDSM in a substantial way deserves aftercare of that level of generosity, even if it comes from yourself.

I hope that over our time together, you have a new appreciation for just how talkative your body can be, if you let it. We have safely pulled in the petals of your flower castle, or the curtains of your princess bed, or the flaps of your mountainside tent, however you would like to categorize this extended metaphor. It's time to reawaken our awareness to the world outside.

With the next few breaths, check in with your body, and feel, perhaps, a new or different energy somewhere, eager to begin a new project, or indulge a gratifying talent. Embrace whatever spark you find, and thank your body for its suggestion. As you bring movement to your limbs, ready to rejoin the day, thank you for sticking this out with me.

Thank you for playing with me, and deepening your connection to your power. Come back anytime! You can also use this series as a resource for a partner.

The only way I knew how to be a dominatrix was by tapping into my own wants as a submissive partner. Because I knew what I wanted, I knew what my clients wanted, and this often led to incredibly rewarding sessions. I wish you continued joy, curiosity, and brain-melting orgasms.

Thank you, beautiful.