3. Seduction & Sexual Self Awareness

Transcript

Are you ready to get to know yourself and your partners a little bit better? I bet you are. I'm Marla Renee Stewart, co-author of The Ultimate Guide to Seduction and Foreplay, and I'm here to talk to you about tips and tricks and strategies for mind-blowing sex.

Before you get into a relationship with someone, it's always good to be in a relationship with yourself. Knowing what you like and don't like is important, but knowing how you need someone to respond to you is one of the most important things you can do to ensure that you and your lovers can resolve any issues that may arise. Many times, we want our lovers to read our minds and guess what we like and what we don't like and thinking that they should automatically know our needs.

No, the fact is we can't expect this of our lovers. We have to remember that they have had a very different life experience, so how they respond to you is wholly dependent on how they have been socialized. In order to understand yourself, it's a good idea to understand how you are in relation to another person and how you want them to react to you.

With that said, I always encourage my clients to come up with their own relationship user guide, so go grab a piece of paper and something to write with if you haven't already for this next exercise. We are going to go through all the various emotions as well as prompts for your intimate and sexual life. On your paper, I want you to write down this prompt and complete the thought.

When I am happy, I would like for my partner or my lover, my spouse to dot, dot, dot. Now I want you to fill in the blank. So when I am happy, I would like for my partner to what? What is it that you would like your partner to do when you are happy? Do you want them to be happy too? How should they show their happiness? Write it all down.

The second prompt is, when I am sad, I would like for my partner to what? Do you need physical affection? Do you need a shoulder to cry on? Do you want your partner to problem solve? Do you need some alone time? Think about that.

When you're sad, what would you like for your partner to do for you? Or what do you need? Next prompt is, when I am angry, I want my partner to, again.

So what is it that you need when you're angry? Do you need time to cool down? If you do need time to cool down, how much time do you need? Is it an hour, a day, or will you make the approach to them when you have calmed down from your anger?

Make sure that you specify a time or give exact directions. Do you need to hug it out? Do you want your partner to be angry with you and egg you on or keep you grounded so that you don't act out of emotion?

What exactly do you need? Now trust is huge in relationships. For some of us, we trust instantly while others take time to build trust with their partners.

In some cases, when we're in relationships for a while, we may develop a little mistrust because maybe they lack consistency in an area. So for this next prompt, I want you to think about how you would gain trust from your partner. What is it that they need to do in order to gain your trust? If it's multiple things, then make sure that you name all of the things that are important to you.

The next prompt is when you're scared or when you're fearful. What are the things that you need your partner to do for you? How do you need to be comforted? Try reflecting on the last time that you were scared or fearful.

What would you have liked your partner to have done? It's important to know this because being scared is quite stressful. And the more that you can mitigate any stressors, the better off you'll be to embrace more of your sexuality.

Believe me. The next prompt, when I am surprised, I would like for my partner to dot, dot, dot, what? What is it that you would like your partner to do? And in this exercise, sometimes people ask, is it a positive or a negative surprise? Well, think of both.

If it's a positive surprise, write it down. If it's a negative surprise, write it down. What do you want your partner to do when it's a positive surprise or a negative surprise? The next one is when I am disgusted, I would like for my partner to what? Do you want them to help you alleviate whatever is disgusting? Think about the last time you were disgusted.

How did you want your partner to respond? Now it's important to share some affinities with your partner. You want to be able to share in some common interests because that is how you become closer and more connected to your partner.

So with this next prompt, I want you to think about if you're interested in something, what do you want your partner to do? Would you want them to be curious about it? Would you want them to join you in your particular interests? Are there particular interests that you would like for them to ask you? Again, make sure that you name the specifics so that your partner is crystal clear, your partner or future partner is crystal clear on your needs.

Now let's think about your intimate and sexual relationship. Always thinking about your own needs first. The first prompt is around arousal.

So what are the things that you get aroused by? What are the qualities that you desire in a person that turn you on? Or what I like to say, get you hot in the pants.

What makes your genitals tangle when you think about it? Yes. Then when you are aroused, what would you like your partner to do? Do you want them to initiate sex? Do you want them to wait until you initiate sex or a sexual experience? How would you like for them to touch you? What are the ways that they can feed into your arousal? Speaking of initiating sex, list out how you initiate sex.

What are the things that you do that would let your partner know that you want sex? What is it that you do? Is it making out with them? Is it by giving them a massage? Is it by using your words and asking if your partner wants to have sex with you? If you're not sure because you haven't initiated sex before, that's okay because we'll be working on that in the last module.

However, if you do know how you would like for your partner to initiate sex, this is the time to write it down. How would you like your lover to initiate sex? What would you like for them to do? How do you see them approaching you? The next prompt is about pleasure.

What are the ways that you give pleasure to your lover? How do you put a smile on their face? What are the things you can do to put a smile on their face? Remember, you can reflect back on the seduction learning styles to name the behaviors that you can do to help make them happy.

What are the ways that you would like to receive pleasure? Remember, you need to be explicit, specific, and keep it as simple as possible. Remember, you can always have an extended conversation about the subject, but simple and succinct will help your lover remember in the long run.

It's also really important to think about your behavior and what you would like to do after sex. After sex, what do you like to do? Do you like to cuddle, sleep, eat, talk about your sexual experience and what you love the most during your sex session?

Think about your particular needs when it comes to how you'd like to navigate that time after sex happens. And the last prompt is for you to name what you would like for your partner to do after sex. Do you want them to clean up afterwards? Give you words of affirmation about the experience or your body? Remind you to do something? Knowing who you are in all aspects of your emotions is going to help you a great deal because not only does it signify emotional intelligence, it also signifies emotional stability, which is one of the more powerful keys to relationship success.

Remember, research shows that emotional stability and prioritizing your sex life are one of the major factors that contribute to long term happiness. And you want to be happy, right? So join me in the next session as I go over your sexual relationship identity and important questions you should be asking yourself and your lover or lovers about what you want your sex life to look like.

Thanks for listening.