1. Seduction & Sexual Self Awareness

Transcript

Welcome to the O'Cleo miniseries on sexual self-awareness. I'm Marla Renee Stewart, co-author of The Ultimate Guide to Seduction and Foreplay, and techniques for mind-blowing sex. A big part of your sexual self-awareness and your development of your sexual self has to do with your confidence and your beliefs in yourself.

The fact is, we all have something that we are working towards in ourselves, and it's important to figure out those things. Sexual confidence doesn't come easy to everyone, but with the proper conditioning, we can build it up in ourselves and use that energy to be better lovers of ourselves and of other people. Oftentimes, we get caught up in negative self-talk, and it becomes our norm.

If this is your experience, you may struggle with this exercise, but be mindful of the fact that being uncomfortable is often a positive sign, as growth occurs in discomfort. First things first, you need to write down what your flaws are. If you feel you don't have any flaws, then think about what you would like to improve upon in yourself.

What are you working towards changing? Try to make these statements as simple as you can. For example, you can say something like, quote unquote, I overthink during sex.

You can think through it all you want, but when writing these down, make sure that you keep it as simple as possible, so that you don't move into other flaws that could possibly be parsed out into a statement of its own. Thinking of at least three would be ideal. Next, think about the positive aspects to your flaw.

Essentially, what is the good thing about your negative thing? For my earlier example of I overthink during sex, the positive thing about that is that I'm hyper aware of what's happening with myself and with my lover. Remember, we are complex and multi-dimensional human beings, so it's important to recognize that as such.

So now that you've identified the positive aspects of your flaw or the thing that you would like to change, you need to put it in an affirmation style. If you aren't familiar with positive affirmations, these are statements that have particular formula. They must be present tense, positive, specific, and emotional, or have a feeling word.

Starting with, quote unquote, I am, or I have, or I always, or any other way of putting your sentence into being in the present, move into your positive affirmation. So again, one of the positive affirmations you can say is, I am hyper aware of my own pleasure during sexual experiences. Now, transform all of your flaws or the things you want to change into positive affirmations.

Now that you've transformed those, it's now time to think about the opposite of your flaw or the thing you want to change. Again, you want to write it down in a positive affirmation style. So with the example given of, quote unquote, I overthink during sex, I would transform that into my mind is relaxed during sex and I'm present in my body.

As you identify the positives and recognize the opposite of your perceived flaws, make an effort to counter the negatives with multiple positives. Research suggests that in relationships, five positive interactions for every negative interaction create enough positive balance to foster fulfilling connections. Apply this five to one ratio to your positive to negative thoughts as well.

Do not stop at one positive affirmation, but pile them on to reap their benefits. Once you have acknowledged your positive affirmations, say them out loud to strengthen your belief in yourself. Repeat your positive affirmations three times in front of the mirror right now.

So grab your hand mirror, go in front of your bathroom mirror, or if you just have a mirror on the wall, whatever mirror you have, go ahead and do that now. Now, how do you feel when you say each statement? Do they sound believable to you? Why or why not? Do you think this could be a part of how you can transform your thoughts? Why or why not? Write those down.

We understand that talking to yourself in front of the mirror can feel awkward, but over time, not only will the exercise flow more naturally, but your affirmations will become more believable and real and you'll start to make the changes subconsciously. Now, repeat these at least twice a day out loud and with emotion. Give it all the drama and emotion you can.

This is just the beginning of your journey. To further boost your confidence, write down nine additional positive affirmations. I encourage you to do four to five affirmations that you already embody and four to five positive affirmations that you wish that you had.

These positive affirmations do not have to be sexual in nature. They can just be general positive personality characteristics. Here are a few examples of affirmations.

I am kind and loving. I am open to learning. I treat all people with respect and go out of my way to make others feel seen and important.

I smile at strangers and I see it brightens their day. I do important work in my community. I am very funny.

I have made a real and meaningful impact through my work. I bring positive energy into almost every room. I take good care of my family.

These nine affirmations, in addition to the six above, the upsides and the opposites or the positives and the counter aspects, bring your total affirmations to 15. 15 positive affirmations amounts to five times the original negative statements that you started with. Now this is a great start as you have achieved your five to one positive to negative ratio already.

However, we need to go above and beyond that because we just don't want to even things out, right? We want to ensure that our confidence can withstand any negative thoughts or words that come out of our mouths. With that said, now it's time to think of five positive affirmations that are directly related to your sexuality.

Make sure that you have at least two that are things you wish to aspire to. Here are some examples to help you out. I indulge my lover's fantasies with a very open mind.

I am often open to sex. I love going down on my lover and I consider myself skilled and willing to learn more. I feel great about my body.

It brings me so much pleasure. I am almost always willing to try something new. I initiate sex and make it a priority.

You will want to add these to your routine every single day. Let me repeat that back to you. You will want to add these to your routine every single day.

Repeat all of these affirmations out loud every day, at least twice a day with emotion. Give me the drama. Give yourself the drama.

If you are resistant to doing it, you can record them on your phone or other recording device and listen to them instead while you have a stagnant time or maybe when you're in the shower or working out or even driving somewhere. This is all about training your brain to hear and believe them by always keeping them in mind. If it feels uncomfortable, it is likely because you are growing.

This is your time to shine and it evolves and it starts with being aware of yourself and harnessing your potential and your power to embrace your sexual confidence. Next up, you'll learn about the seduction learning styles and how they can be impactful on your sexual self-awareness as well as in your everyday communication. So join me next on understanding your seduction learning styles.

Thank you for listening.