1. Empowered Submission - Masterclass

Transcript

Hello there, beautiful. I'm Rachel. I'm a lifestyle submissive and a former dominatrix with a passion for uniting BDSM education with sex therapy.

Welcome to Empowered Submission, an introductory series on power exchange. This is part one, intro to subspace. I will be guiding you into the deliciously freeing headspace of safe submission.

Thank you for giving yourself the time and attention you deserve. Together, we will melt the cares and troubles of the outside world away while you descend deeper and deeper into a state of total surrender. Whether you're playing alone, exploring your submissive side, or enhancing a dynamic with an existing dominant partner, your job, with my help, is to let go.

To hit pause on life and its demands and discover an easier pathway to an intensely gratifying release. In this first installment, we will discuss some of the language and concepts behind submission, as well as some core tenets. Once we have a shared vocabulary, we can start to play.

Part two, Surrender, preps the body and mind to speak to each other from a place of comfort, safety, and curiosity. It explores your arousal and fosters a full-body awareness while pulling you deeper into a luxurious subspace. Finally, in part three, Suspense, I put you to the task of self-gratification and push you to the fullest expression of your own pleasure.

Sounds like fun, right? Chances are, if you're listening to this, you have a few questions about dominance and submission. What I hope to accomplish, and what I invite you to experience, is a down-to-earth crash course in BDSM, rooted in self-exploration.

Kink is a pretty damn personal undertaking. And sometimes, you just want to learn about something in plain terms, not in a sexy code. This is where I come in.

I want to demystify the concept of submission for you, and allow you to engage with what you desire. Let's face it, whips and chains aren't for everyone. Pain? Not for everyone.

Being called a stupid little cum slut? Again, not for everyone. However, release, freedom, safety, comfort, unconditional love, we could all use a little more of that.

The outrageous thing I'm suggesting, if you're still with me, is that you can experience several or even all of those things simultaneously, in a way that doesn't lessen your agency as a sexual partner, in a way that doesn't degrade your identity as a woman, in a way that carries no shame or judgment. The commitment you've made here is a precious one. For many who are drawn to the intoxication of submission, especially women, our lives are filled with demands.

Work, loved ones, school, family. It can be so easy to get swept up in the need to control these demands. To control oneself.

Often, this leaves us feeling drained, tired, or paradoxically, tense and keyed up. Maybe you understand a bit how that feels. What I hope to impart is that the desire to relinquish that control, to give in to the needs of our body, is a desire that is rooted in self-preservation and self-love.

When we tune into our bodies and our desires and feed those innermost parts of ourselves, there is no need for leather outfits and spooky dungeons, though that can certainly be fun. Submission is a delicious and profoundly personal exploration. Don't learn it from porn or bad romance books.

Now, don't get it twisted. I'm not trying to take all the fun out of your fantasies. I'm looking to enhance them.

To do that, I want to take you through an exercise, this series, which reframes submission as an empowered choice, deepening your connection to your body and your needs. Submitting from a place of trust and safety can be a deeply erotic state. It can also be profoundly cathartic.

It isn't weakness of mind or character. It's the beautiful balancing force that keeps the stress of life in check. So, as we begin, thank you again for answering a craving that your intuitive body has given you.

As women, we hear some terribly conflicting messages. We are sexual beings with desires and needs, but those needs are considered acceptable sacrifices once our more important priorities take over. Women are expected to suppress sexual feelings for the sake of more responsible choices.

I don't know about you, but if I could turn down laundry for orgasms, I would. Every time. We are told we can be just as kinky as men are, just as long as those kinks don't undermine our positions as strong, independent women.

If you're a submissive woman, somehow you still haven't broken a habit or embraced your true potential. In media and pop psychology, there is still a lot of negativity associated with BDSM. Harmful stereotypes abound.

Whether it's daddy issues or a history of abuse, practitioners of power exchange are often told there is something wrong with them, when this could not be further from the truth. I spent years feeling like I was spinning my wheels, unable to celebrate my successes or mourn my failures, caught in the rush of staying on top of everything. I was distracted at work by thoughts and fantasies of sex, but when I had the opportunity to experience them, I often found that I didn't want to think about it.

I didn't want to think about, frankly, anything. I wanted to disappear into the sex. It didn't make sense to me.

How could I spend all day imagining a night with my loved one, only to ask him to do things to me that made it impossible to think straight? It was easy to feel this way and feel compromised, even broken. Except, dear listener, that there is one simple, unassailable truth here.

There's nothing wrong with that. Escape is as basic a need for our minds as affection and sleep. It's why we invented the novel, the symphony, and the IMAX movie theater.

Some people unwind with a glass of wine. Some retreat to the world of a good book. Some run half a marathon or drive in the woods.

At its core, giving the reins to another in a physical or even emotional way is the same drive that sends us to the theater, the jazz club, and the yoga studio. It's the mind asking for a break, giving you permission to let go, to play without fear. If we unravel all the trappings, all the buzzwords, and all the bullshit from power exchange, you're actually left with something quite simple.

Take your nipple clamps, silk rope, anal plugs, bridal gags, latex pants, and bamboo canes away, and you have a covenant between you and a partner or partners. But that's it. One beautiful aspect of submission that distinguishes it from normal escapism, however, is the generosity involved.

If I can ask you to take only one thing from this series, let it be this. Your submission is a gift. You are intelligent, capable, and deserving of love and validation.

Anyone lucky enough to be given the right to control you is the recipient of something joyous and precious. Let's start by dispelling a few things right off the bat. Submission is not about denying yourself.

It is about loosening your grip on your pleasure and trusting another to help you achieve it, but never about giving up on what you want. Submission is not masochism, while there can certainly be a lot of crossover. Submission doesn't equal pain or discomfort at the behest of another.

Some submissives relish the opportunity to take tougher and tougher punishments to prove their stamina. Others delight in the confusion of mixed stimulation, and pain and pleasure force them into being present. All of this is, at its heart, simply allowing yourself to be pushed.

Submission is not laziness or weakness. Imagine you get to leave on vacation and invite somebody to care for your house. This person is a good friend, and you trust them in your space.

They're here to water your plants, to feed your cat, to tend your garden, to wash your car. This is a gift to yourself, your peace of mind, and your friend, who probably needed a change of scenery anyway. You would never feel guilt or weakness for being in another country.

You wouldn't call that laziness. You are taking care of your home. You are just ensuring that while you are away, things are cared for.

This is no different. With that out of the way, a few more terms that will help us develop a shorthand as we move forward. Scene.

A scene is a term as subjective as it is important, which makes it hard to pin down. In BDSM, a scene can be anything from an interrogation roleplay with no sexual contact to a hardcore public consensual gangbang. For our purposes, let's just think of it as the beginning, middle, and end of your commitment to your own pleasure.

When a scene starts, the roles are understood, the boundaries are discussed, the safe word is in play, and the outside world takes a back seat. Subspace. Beyond just the title of this series, subspace is a colloquial term for what happens during a scene for the submissive partner.

In an ideal scene, trust and communication are at their peak, and you are given permission to let go. Many submissives describe this feeling as malleable, heavy, floaty, spacey, and dreamy. Safe word.

The single most important part of any scene. Your safe word is your ripcord. If you reach a threshold of pain that is unbearable, or a level of emotional or physical discomfort that threatens you, the safe word ends all activity.

Immediately. No questions asked. Pick something that suits you.

Many DS folks will use green, yellow, red to indicate, respectively, that feels amazing, watch out I'm hitting my limit, and stop. My safe word is buttermilk. I think it's a funny word, and startling myself with humor can help me stave off fear or anxiety during an intense scene.

Disclaimer. You should never feel guilt about using your safe word. It's like feeling guilty for wearing a motorcycle helmet.

Whether you end up needing it or not, you better fucking have one. This concludes the lecture section of Empowered Submission Part 1, Intro to Subspace. I look forward to joining you in Part 2, as soon as you're ready to play.